Resilience Archives

6 Oct 2020

Boost Well-being with a Dose of Gratitude

As we find ourselves and our children/students adapting to a new version of what school looks like, whether it’s ‘online learning’ or ‘in building learning’, we may all be experiencing challenging circumstances which can trigger some tough emotions like: anger, sadness, frustration, anxious or disappointment.

Is there an antidote to help you and your children/students bounce back from these challenges and emotions? YES!

It’s called GRATITUDE.

Feeling and expressing gratitude not only boosts emotional and mental well-being, but also boosts your immune system and your happiness.

How do you teach children the skill of gratitude?

Below are 3 grateful activities that are a fun way to practice and express gratitude.

1. VISUAL DISPLAY OF GRATITUDE

Create a tree, a banner, a board or a collage as a display to encourage children to focus on the people, experiences and things in their life that make them feel grateful and appreciative. Every day have them reflect and write one aspect of their life they are grateful for. By adding their paper to the display they deepen relationships and become more connected to the people around them.

2. JOURNALING

Journaling creates a practice of connecting to gratitude and helps with their writing skills. Daily entries in their own private journal about the people, events and things they are grateful for, helps them with emotional resilience and self-esteem. For those who may say, like my son, ‘I can’t think of anything’, here are some helpful hints:

What did you do today that was fun?
What makes you happy?
What do you look forward to when you wake up?
Who or what makes you smile?
What did you do today that made you feel brave?
What made you proud today?
Who was kind to you today?
What is your favourite place to visit?

3. CREATE A JAR OF JOY

A Jar of Joy is a fun, creative way to help children practice gratitude. Begin by providing a jar large enough to hold daily gratitude notes. Then personalize the jar with decorations using ribbons, stickers, pompoms, sparkles, markers etc

After decorating the jar, it’s time to add the ’gratitudes’ they have written about people, places or things. They can also add photos or cut out images from magazines that depict their gratitudes. Whenever they are having a challenging moment where they need a joyful lift encourage them to take a gratitude from their jar and have a brief discussion about it.

Being reminded to focus on what they enjoy and are grateful for, will not only shift their mood and mind to a happier state, but also yours.

Gratitude is transformational! Choosing to focus on what you are grateful for transforms how you feel about yourself, others and your life!

Until next time…

10 Jun 2020

Listen. Learn. Grow

So much is changing and will continue to change.

Through all the changes, we want the best for our children and students. We want them to act in a way that will promote respect, kindness and compassion.

Children learn best by watching us. They see us as the example of what to do and what not to do.

Observing how we approach challenges, how we talk about others, and how we handle tough emotions influences their choices and their beliefs. Our actions will always speak louder than our words.

We can’t expect children to be different from what they see us do, despite what we may tell them.

Being a role model isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being aware of the times you mess up, admitting it and learning from it, so that children learn to do the same. Being mindful of the choices you are making and the messages you are communicating takes practice and listening.

It’s important that you listen to children’s worries, the questions they ask, the fears they may be experiencing and most importantly the emotions they are feeling. Listening to them without judgment – listening – even if you think their concerns and emotions are unfounded.

Listening from a place of love, respect and compassion will create a strong connection and build a trust that will let children know, ‘They Matter. They are Important. They are Enough.’ – even in the most challenging times.

Until next time…

6 May 2020

Teaching Kids to Bounce Back

Children are experiencing a lot of changes during this unprecedented time. They are missing their friends and their extended family. Their routines have been turned upside down. They may be frustrated with staying home and overwhelmed with the conversations around COVID-19.

As a parent, you might wish you could shield them from the challenges they face, but that’s neither possible, nor beneficial for building their resilience. During this time it’s especially important to help them see their challenges as an opportunity to learn, grow and bounce back so they can keep moving forward.

Here are 3 tips to help your child be a ‘Bounce Back’ kid:

1. Explain that everyone is facing changes and challenges. Ask them to write out all the choices they can make from the challenging circumstances they are experiencing. This will change their focus from ‘what happened’ to ‘how can I move through this’

2. Each day they will experience different emotions like anger, disappointment, happiness, frustration, sadness. At times these emotions will feel like they are riding a roller coaster. Knowing that these emotions are normal and experienced by everyone will help them realize they are not alone and that it’s OK to feel a range of emotions.

3. Encourage them to come up with healthy ways to release these emotions (drawing, talking to someone, reading, watching a show, journaling etc). Have them create a list so that they know what to do when these emotions arise. Put the list in a place they can see everyday. It’s also important for you to know their healthy ways to release their emotions so that you can remind them what to do when they are feeling overwhelmed.

Let your children know you are always there for them.

Remind them: They Matter! They are Enough!

Until next time…

1 Apr 2020

My Grandpa’s Secret

My grandpa died a few months ago of natural causes. He was 102… ONE HUNDRED AND TWO.

Isn’t that amazing? I think he had a secret to his longevity.

My grandpa always told me something I thought was very special which I often remind myself of: “If you can’t clown around in the world, you will never get around.”

You could take everything personally, focus on the negative, feel down and discouraged or you could adopt some of my grandpa’s positivity and choose to clown around. Imagine what would happen if you added humour to your days? What if you played more? Wouldn’t that be fun? That’s my grandpa’s secret. He chose humour.

I know it’s not always easy…

“But Sara, what if certain things just feel hard?” I hear you.

The truth is … it’s sometimes hard for all of us. My grandpa’s life wasn’t all fun and games. He struggled at times and in more ways than most—I bet it wasn’t easy for him to find humour every day. He was blind by the time he was a teenager and when the other kids learned how to drive, he longed for the day that never came. I saw his struggle first hand when he’d whisper in my ear his simple wish for sight.

When my grandpa was growing up, if you were blind, you were sent to boarding school. It could have felt terrible for him to live away from his friends and family, but he found a loved one there… my grandma. She was also blind.

He tuned pianos for a living because what he lacked in sight he made up for in sound and together, they raised three children with bells on their shoes—a little trick to keep track of their footsteps around the house. Isn’t that fun?!

I think the moral of this story is that with humour, you build resilience. Of course, there will be difficult times, but it’s important to always search for joy, silver linings, and silliness in times that feel hard. I think laughter is healing and humour goes a long way to helping you move through challenging circumstances and tough emotions.

How to add humour to your day

My fondest memories of my grandpa are filled with laughter. Joking together! I want to thank him a thousand times over for his wise words, but all I can do is share them with you.

It’s a childlike quality that we can carry into adulthood. I think of my son sometimes when I need a reminder. When our babies are born, we do everything we can to make them laugh. Now, he laughs at the oddest jokes that he thinks are really funny. It makes me happy to see him so happy and we snowball from there. Don’t you think that’s proof enough of the positive impact humour has on our wellbeing? I sure do!

Here’s a few ways to find your ‘inner clown’ even if you think it’s silly:

Make funny faces in the mirror – sounds weird but it works.
Sing really loud using a funny voice.
Watch a funny movie and laugh until your face feels like it’s cracking.
Dance like no one is watching.
Play dress up with your kids or friends.

Laughter and humour will give you the space to cope with a situation with a more relaxed view and help give you a different perspective so you can bounce back with more ease.

Until next time…

18 Dec 2019

From Our Home to Yours

What a wonderful year! I loved presenting at the schools, conferences and businesses that have invited me to share my UPower message.

I have had the opportunity to connect with so many amazing people who believe that emotions matter! Speaking of emotions…let me share the behind the scenes of our FUN family photo.

Our 7 year old son Kai was so annoyed when I told him we were having a family photo taken. His reaction, ‘I don’t want to! It will be boring!’

I had thought, before I even mentioned it, that he would probably rather be playing with a friend instead of posing for the camera, but I wasn’t prepared for the extreme stance he took. His ‘late to bed’ and ‘early to rise’ certainly didn’t help his mood or reaction.

So let’s see … we have lack of sleep, mixed with ‘I don’t want to’ … causing family photo shoot meltdown.

Trying to reason with him was not getting us anywhere. Kai’s emotions were running too high. Off he stomped to his room. We let him be. We let his emotions run their course.

Then my husband, George came up with a brilliant idea, ‘Kai, how about we wear hockey jerseys in the photo.’ Kai was all ears. My husband was enrolling Kai by speaking to his main interest…Hockey!

Kai said excitedly, ‘Why don’t we all wear jerseys!’ His mood totally changed as we started looking around our home for jerseys and wouldn’t you know it, since my husband is a long time Pittsburg fan and I’m a Sidney Crosby Fan, we found 3 Penguins Jerseys.

I definitely wasn’t planning on wearing a jersey for our family Christmas photo! But … being open to possibilities brought us a solution.

It ended up being the BEST family photo shoot we have ever had. It was Fun! We role played hockey scenes and we laughed a lot. We didn’t let our emotions stop us from creating a GREAT memory!

Whether you are a Pens Fan or not … from our family to yours … Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! Happy New Year too!

Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be Wonderful!

Until next time…

23 Oct 2019

3 Sure Fire Ways to Be Resilient

“Resilience: noun

The ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change: toughness
The ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.

What does it mean to be tough? Or to be elastic as a person?

Maybe we bend, but never break. Maybe we bruise, but are not broken. We survive hardships and heartbreaks and come out stronger on the other side when resilience guides us through.

It’s important to note that resilience isn’t a mysterious exterior force some of us are gifted with (even though it may feel that way sometimes), but a choice we make in the face of a challenge. It’s how quick we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and choose to take another step forward. It can be a difficult skill to learn, but one that will carry us through tough times and uncomfortable emotions in a way that reacting negatively never can. But how do you learn resilience?

That’s right—it’s learned, like any other skill.

Here are 3 sure-fire ways to developing the skill of resilience:

1. Character

Challenges bring up tough, overwhelming emotions like: sadness, disappointment, anger, frustration—emotions that make it difficult to make choices that show our character. Instead of reacting out of emotions during challenging circumstances, can you acknowledge your emotions, identify them, and move through them in a healthy way?

It takes courage to acknowledge emotions and find the determination and confidence to keep moving forward.

You are more than the adversity you face and building a strong character will be your pathway to accept and overcome the obstacles that may stand in your way.

2. Support

Try as some of us might, we can’t go very far without support from others. A strong support system is crucial to bouncing back from challenging times.

When you are facing a challenge, reach out to others and ask for help even though you may feel embarrassed, nervous or scared. People who care for and love you will help you move forward. They will give you the hope you need to believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel that seems winding and endless.

3. Perception

Remember this: Challenges are chapters in your life not your whole story. I say it often because it’s true and realizing this will change your perception of every roadblock.

Resilience is very much based on perception. How do you see what you’re going through? Do you look at it as ‘this is what my life will look and feel like forever’ or do you perceive challenges as ways to learn and grow? Altering your perception alters whether you stay down or bounce back.

We all want to keep stepping one foot in front of the other with the belief that challenges have an end point. We all need to believe that there is some purpose in what happened.

Resilience in Practice

Does it seem difficult to learn resilience? Sometimes it definitely does. Here’s an exercise my mum taught me that I use to this day to help me bounce back.

When I was 15, I hit the wrong note during a big singing performance. After listening to me express my embarrassment, frustration, and disappointment, my mum asked me one question: “What is the gift?”

Me: What do you mean? It was so embarrassing! There is no gift.

My mum: What’s the gift? What did you learn?

Me: Nothing. (I was still so upset with myself)

My mum: Write 3 positive things you received from this challenge.

With a calm brain, I reflected on the gifts.

What did I learn that helped me build my resilience?

The breakdown: I chose to act based on my character of respect for myself, others and my dreams. I chose to stay determined to keep singing. I had the support of my mum and I realized that changing my perception from what happened to what I learned helped me bounce back.

This exercise helped train my brain to look for gratitude even in the darkest moments.

Can you practice the same? Can you think of 3 gifts you have received from a challenging time?

Until next time,