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5 May 2022

Does Your Child Worry?

What ifs?

It’s normal for kids to worry from time to time. The worrying child can be filled with lots of stressful ‘what ifs’.

What if they don’t like me?

What if I don’t make the team?

What if my parents/teachers get mad at me?

What if I can’t do that?

What if………..?

Kids have vivid imaginations, making it easy to create worse case scenarios for their worries.

Choosing What You Say to a Child

Reminding the worrying child that they have control over what thoughts they choose to focus on, is essential to helping them move through their ‘what ifs’.

Resist the urge to say, ‘You don’t need to worry. You’ll be fine. Stop thinking about it.’  Kids tell me they find these words unhelpful.

Instead, TRY THIS… acknowledge the worry and the emotion that the worry triggers. Then have them do the following exercise to help them move through their worry.

Here are a few more strategies to help calm the worry brain’.

Until next time…

10 Nov 2021

What If They Don’t Like Me?

If you were to ask me what one of my biggest worries was as a teen, it would be ‘what if people don’t like me?’ I can remember having sleepless nights worrying about things I said and did – wondering if I offended anyone or looked silly.

While the desire to be liked is normal, believing that it’s necessary for everyone to like you is unreasonable. Having that belief started to impact my self-esteem and confidence. I started to base my self-worth on what others thought instead of what I thought. I was becoming more concerned with others liking me instead of me liking myself.

One day I realized the only person I needed to impress was the person I saw when I looked in the mirror – ME!

An activity that really helped me let go and allow my unique qualities to grow and shine was creating mindful thoughts. (an activity that works for all ages)

Take a piece of paper and write: ‘I CHOOSE ______’ and fill in the blank with what it is that you want to say to yourself. Create as many as you need.

Examples:
I choose to believe I am enough.
I choose to believe I am courageous & talented.
I choose to believe I am perfect just the way I am.

Place the paper(s) where you can see them as a reminder of what you are choosing to say to yourself. The more you repeat it, the more you will believe it.

Place the paper(s) where you can see them as a reminder of what you are choosing to say to yourself. The more you repeat it, the more you will believe it.

This is what I know: When you choose to let go of worrying and choose to start accepting that not everyone will like you, not only will you be able to focus on the people who are in your cheering section, you will also find yourself much happier.

Until next time…

12 Dec 2019

I Just Want to Be Me

I received an email from a student who felt they were two different people – one side of them is their school self, the other side is their home self.

I could relate to this student as I remember my ‘school self’ being self conscious – worried about what others thought about me – wanting to be liked and accepted by everyone. I did have confident moments and many good times in school, but there was a voice in my head sometimes saying, ‘What will they think? Do they really like me?

Looking back, I can see that there were times when those self-defeating thoughts stopped me from being totally free to Just Be Me.

My ‘home self’ felt and still feels free – a place where I allow myself to relax and be me. When I am home I don’t worry about my clothes matching or what my hair looks like. I can choose to change into my pyjamas as soon as I step inside the door and to feel my true emotions without worry of judgments. 

When you are not being who you really are, you are most likely worried about what other people are thinking about you.  I still have moments when I worry what others think of me. But now I recognize those moments.

That recognition now gives me two choices: Allow those thoughts to hold me back from being me or notice the thought and take a stand for who I am regardless of the opinions of others.

The true essence of who you are should not change from place to place. If you feel you have to pretend to be someone that you are not in order to ‘fit in’, not only is it exhausting, but also frustrating. 

Being true to you will be way more fulfilling than trying to be someone that you aren’t. Your real friends will accept you for who you are.

At the end of the day I believe it is imperative that you can say ‘I am proud of who I was today.’

Until next time…

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