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Author: Linda Westbrook

18 Dec 2024

The Power of Showing Up for Your Kids

Ah, the joy of showing up for my child’s Christmas concert—an annual tradition filled with festive tunes, awkward choreography and priceless memories.

When my son was little, he’d spot me in the crowd and wave like I was his VIP guest, sometimes mid-song.

Now that he’s 12, the roles have reversed; I’m the one enthusiastically waving when he comes on stage with his class and he pretends not to notice.

I sit in my seat, hoping for even a flicker of acknowledgment, but all I get is the slightest nod that seems to say, “I see you.”

It’s bittersweet and hilarious—watching him grow into his independence while I cling to the glory days of toddler waves from the stage. Still, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

Showing up, even when they act like they don’t need us, sends a powerful message: “I see you, I’m proud of you, and I’ll always show up.”

And isn’t that the heart of the holiday season? Showing up for the people we care about, creating memories and celebrating together.

This is what I know: Whether you’re in the audience at a concert, hanging out with family or just sharing a quiet moment, may your holidays be filled with love, laughter and the magic of this holiday season!

Until next time…

4 Dec 2024

Is Your Stress Effecting Your Child’s Performance?

Have you ever watched your child face a big moment—whether it’s playing in a game, performing on stage, or preparing to speak in front of their class— and found yourself more nervous than they are? The ‘parent stress effect’ can create added pressure for children, making their own nerves harder to manage.”

After one of my presentations, a student shared, “I get so nervous singing in front of people, but it’s even harder because my parents get nervous too. They’re scared I’ll make a mistake.”

I asked her, “Do you think their nerves make you doubt yourself ?” She nodded quickly. “Yeah,” she said. “I just want to enjoy singing, but I feel like I have to make sure they’re okay too.”

Sometimes the hardest part isn’t even the thing you’re doing—it’s managing the expectations caused by the ‘parent stress effect’.

I asked, “What do you love about singing?” Her face lit up. “It makes me feel alive.”

I told her, “Your parents are nervous because they care about you and don’t want you to feel hurt if something goes wrong. You can let them know that even if you make a mistake, you will be OK.”

We talked about how focusing on the joy of what you love can shift your mindset.

I shared this: “You don’t have to sing perfectly; you just have to sing with heart. When you let others feel the love you have for what you’re doing, that’s what they’ll remember.”

This is what I know: The next time someone you care about steps into the spotlight, whether it’s on stage, in sports, or in life, let your ‘cheer’ be the loudest thing they hear. When you cheer for courage over outcome, you create a space for growth, confidence and beautiful, human imperfection.

Until next time,

20 Nov 2024

Self Reliant Kids: Power Up Their Mind – Not Their Devices

In today’s world, where technology plays a significant role in a child’s life, it’s easy for kids to become overly reliant on devices. Encouraging self reliant kids is important to ensure they grow up with independence and life skills. Don’t get me wrong, technology has many benefits, however, it can feel like it’s taking over.

When kids are encouraged to trust their abilities, they develop the confidence to tackle challenges head-on. Self reliant kids begin to see the incredible potential within themselves—their ideas, creativity and resourcefulness.

It’s more important than ever to teach kids how to rely on themselves rather than always reaching for a device.

1. Nurture Curiosity over Quick Answers

When your child has a question or faces a challenge, resist the urge to let them turn to a device for answers. Instead, ask questions like, ‘What ideas can you come up with?’ or ‘What’s one thing you could try to solve this?’ This practice will help build self reliant kids.

2. Build on What They Already Know

Encourage your child to recall past experiences or lessons they’ve learned to solve a problem. For example, if they’re stuck, ask, ‘What have you learned before that could help with this?’ or ‘Does this make you think of something you’ve seen or done before?’ Such reflections are pivotal for building self reliant kids.

3. Embrace Challenges as Opportunities to Learn

When your child gets stuck, remind them, ‘It’s okay not to have the answer right away—sometimes our brains need extra time to think.’ This teaches them to trust their mental process instead of defaulting to technology for instant solutions.

This what I know: Encouraging children to trust their own judgment doesn’t mean removing technology; it means guiding them to recognize that their true strength lies within themselves, not in a screen. Self reliant kids learn to rely on themselves first.

Until next time…

6 Nov 2024

Guiding Children’s Choices

Just like a GPS needs a destination to guide us, our brain also works best when it focuses on a specific end result. Similarly, having a clear destination can guide children’s choices, helping them navigate challenges with confidence and purpose.

In life, a child’s ‘GPS destination’ needs to be rooted in their character. This gives them a clear sense of direction, helping them make choices that align with their character. Just like a GPS needs a destination to guide us, our brain also works best when it focuses on a specific end result.

When they don’t have a ‘character destination’ like kindness, honesty, responsibility and determination to help guide their choices, they can easily become sidetracked by their emotions and life’s challenging circumstances.

Three Tips to Help Your Child Set Their ‘Character Destination’

1. Discuss Character Traits: Help them figure out three-character traits they would like to be known for (use this worksheet for inspiration). Encourage them to think about how they might put each chosen trait into practice. This makes character traits real and achievable.

2. Compliment Character: When your child demonstrates their chosen character trait, be specific in your praise. For example, if they chose kindness and helped a struggling friend, say, “I noticed how kind you were when you helped your friend.” By recognizing their efforts, you reinforce how their character destination can guide children’s choices in positive and meaningful ways.

3. Encourage Reflection on Choices: At the end of the day, help your child reflect on how their choices aligned (or didn’t) with their ‘character destination’. Remind them that emotions can sometimes pull them off course. When that happens, reassure them that it’s okay to pause, reset and refocus on making choices based on their character.

This is what I know: By helping your child create and follow a ‘character destination’, you’re giving them a ‘roadmap’ to navigate life’s ups and downs. This strategy not only builds resilience but also guides children’s choices ensuring they stay true to the character traits that matter most to them.

Until next time…

23 Oct 2024

Feedback – Hurtful to Helpful

When feedback is shared with our children, it might hurt at first, particularly if it seems critical. It’s natural for kids to take things personally and feel defensive, upset or disappointed. This is where we can step in and guide them toward a different way of thinking. Transitioning feedback from hurtful to helpful can make a significant difference.

My son came home visibly frustrated after receiving feedback from his coaches. When I asked him what was said, the words didn’t seem harsh. It was his interpretation of those words that was fueling his frustration. This inspired a family exercise we now call ‘Hurtful vs. Helpful’.

I sat Kai down and asked him again what his coach had said. Then, I followed up with: “What is your mind telling you about those words?”

His response revealed why he was so upset: “My mind is telling me I’m not good enough. They don’t think I’m good enough.”

I then asked him: “What if your coaches weren’t trying to hurt you but were actually trying to help you? What if they believe in your potential and want to see you improve, and that’s why they gave you this feedback?”

We discussed how we can’t control what others say or how they say it. However, we do have control over how we interpret their words and what we tell ourselves about what was said. This helps in turning hurtful feedback into something helpful.

I asked, “If you saw their feedback as them trying to help you because they believe in you, how would that change how you feel?”

After a pause, he said, “I’d feel happier.”

I then asked, “And if you felt happier, what would you choose to do next?”

He replied, “I’d try what they’re suggesting.”

This is what I know: How kids perceive feedback affects their emotions, which in turn influences their behavior, choices and mindset. Teaching them to understand that feedback can be seen as hurtful or helpful, allows them to focus on the positive aspects which will benefit them now and in the future.

Until next time…

5 Oct 2024

Prioritize Yourself, Set Healthy Boundaries

Do you find it challenging to prioritize yourself? Me too. I’ve been improving because I’ve learned that setting healthy boundaries, even though sometimes stressful, is crucial for my well-being.

It’s perfectly okay to say ‘no,’ even when saying ‘yes’ is an option. At times, choosing to say ‘no’ is one of the most effective ways to prioritize yourself.

By finding ways to continually set healthy boundaries, you safeguard your time, energy and emotional well-being.

Tips to prioritize yourself and maintain healthy boundaries. 

  1. Pause Before Responding: Before saying ‘yes’ out of habit, take a moment to reflect. Is this something you want or need to do? Give yourself permission to say ‘no’ when it doesn’t serve you.
  2. Communicate Clearly and Calmly: Let people know what you can or cannot do without over-explaining or apologizing. A simple, “I can’t do that right now, but thank you for understanding” can go a long way.
  3. Consistency: People may push back, especially if they’re used to you saying ‘yes.’ Stay firm and remember why you set the boundary in the first place.
  4. Remind yourself: ‘Their disappointment is not my guilt.’ It’s okay to uphold a boundary, even if others feel disappointed. People are more resilient in handling disappointment than we often assume.

This is what I know: When you honour your boundaries, you’re prioritizing yourself and protecting your well-being, and in turn, fostering healthier, more respectful relationships. People may not always like it, but they will respect you for it in the long run.

25 Sep 2024

Teaching Kids the Emotional Impact of Their Actions

My son was getting ready for school, but not at the pace he needed to in order to catch the bus. I started noticing a pattern – every time I reminded him to do something, he responded with, ‘I’ll do it. Just give me a minute.’

The minutes kept passing and nothing was getting done. He had tasks to complete to be ready on time, but they weren’t being done. I felt my irritation building, realizing that my frustration stemmed not only from his inaction, but also from his lack of awareness of the emotional impact of his actions.

Finally, I looked at him and said, ‘I’m feeling really irritated. You keep asking for a minute but then you don’t actually get the task done .’ He gave me a surprised look and said,’ Mom, I didn’t know that you felt irritated.’

And I thought, ‘Seriously? You didn’t realize that me asking over and over again would be irritating?’

Lightbulb moment

He’s right. I’ve been experiencing emotions and understanding how people’s actions affect others’ emotional states for much longer than he has. It’s easy to assume that our kids should know how their actions (or lack of action) affect others, but in his words, ‘I didn’t know that. I’m still learning.’

And I realized—yes—he is still learning. While our kids might be more aware of their own emotions, understanding the emotional impact of actions on others is a very different challenge. It takes time, practice, and open communication.

This is what I know:

As frustrating as these moments can be, they are opportunities for growth – for both of us. It’s a reminder to be patient, not just with our kids but with ourselves, as we guide them through the complex world of emotions. Just as learning how to read or ride a bike takes practice and patience, so does learning how to interpret and respond to the emotions of others.

Until next time…

11 Sep 2024

Transform Your Child’s Relationships

Guiding your child to understand the value of being a good friend lays the foundation for positive connections and meaningful relationships.

My son and I frequently discuss the kind of person and friend he wants to be, focusing on the qualities that make for a true friend.

Each morning, before Kai leaves for school, I ask him to choose a specific character trait to guide his choices throughout the day. Today, he chose ‘kindness,’ which sparked a conversation about ways he could show it— keep promises and be dependable, showing that he can be counted on and support his friends in situations where they might need help.

I shared with him a piece of wisdom I’ve realized over time: when showing kindness feels difficult, it’s often because emotions like anger, sadness, jealousy, or disappointment are getting in the way.

By helping your child see that their emotions affect their choices, they are strengthening their self-awareness, resilience and their ability to connect and create friendships.

Until next time…

28 Aug 2024

Rock the School Year: 3 Tips for a Child’s Success

The beginning of the school year – a time when emotions can be heightened, from excitement to anxiety and all the feelings in between. I remember those feelings from my own childhood!

Telling a child… ‘you can do this, you’re stronger than you think, you’ll get through this, just be yourself, focus on the fun parts’ – they can’t – no matter how many times they hear it! When emotions are overwhelming, it can be hard for kids to focus on positive affirmations or past successes.

Without strategies a child’s emotions can quickly become unmanageable, affecting their resilience and heightening their anxiety.

Three tips to help kids work through their emotions:

1. Problem-Solving is an essential tool for building emotional resilience. Encourage kids to reflect on their emotions and how to navigate different situations through role-playing. For example, you can create scenarios they might encounter at school, such as dealing with a disagreement with a friend, walking down the hall past older students, handling peer pressure, or tackling a difficult homework assignment. Acting out these scenarios allows them to express their feelings in a safe space, gain a sense of control, practice effective responses and explore various solutions.

2. Positive Self-Talk plays a significant role in building emotional resilience by helping kids manage their thoughts, emotions and reactions in challenging circumstances. It helps counteract negative thoughts that can lead to feelings of anxiety, stress or self-doubt. Reminding themselves that they can handle the situation or that they’ve been through tough times before, can reduce feelings of overwhelm and boost their confidence. Help your child come up with a positive phrase, such as ‘I can do this’,  ‘I believe in myself’ or ‘I am brave.’ Suggest they write it down and place it in their room as a constant reminder.

3. Mindfulness Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation and visualization significantly strengthen their emotional resilience by fostering increased awareness, more effective management and deeper understanding of how emotions influence their moods. By practicing mindfulness, kids learn to observe their thoughts and emotions without immediately reacting to them. This pause creates space to choose more constructive responses, helping to prevent impulsive reactions and reduce emotional outbursts. Here’s a link to a 2-minute meditation that my 12-year-old son likes https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Jholcb8Gz0M

By equipping them with these strategies, you’re not only helping them manage stressful emotions but also fostering a sense of inner strength and calm that will serve them throughout their lives.

Until next time…

27 Jun 2024

Does Your Anger Instill Fear in Your Child?

I am sharing this story with my mum’s permission:

As a child, when my mom would raise her voice or yell, it would fill me with anxiety. I remember when I was 11 years old, I interrupted her while she was on the phone. She turned around, looked at me and took a step forward with an angry expression. I was scared. This was not the first time, but for some reason this time was different. She noticed my fear.

She said, “Sara, how did I look to you?” That question gave me the courage to say, “You looked scary.” She replied, “I want you to reenact my facial expression and posture.”

I felt relief and surprise that my mom was genuinely interested in understanding how her anger instilled fear in me. I told her she looked like a ‘charging buffalo’.

She continued with, “I want you to tell me when you see me reacting that way. Sometimes I don’t realize I’m doing it. Call me the ‘charging buffalo’ when it happens. That will remind me of this moment and how you’re feeling.”

This not only gave me a voice but it also strengthened our connection. Our moments of despair turned into moments of repair, creating a significant shift in our relationship that day.

This is what I know: When you ask your child, “how do you feel when I yell or get angry?”, it gives them a voice and creates conversation and connection. It helps you have an awareness and understanding of how your behaviour affects your child. Being brave enough as a parent to look your child in the eye and say, ‘That must have been scary for you. Tell me how I looked. Tell me how you felt. I want to be different,’ creates a safe space for honesty and growth, fostering a deeper, more trusting relationship between you and your child.

Until next time…