Resilience Archives

20 Mar 2025

When Kids Want to Give Up

For two years, fear held me back from trying out for Canadian Idol. The third year, I finally said yes. I made it through two rounds, but when I stood in front of the celebrity judges and sang, they said, “You can’t sing! Do something else!”

I was embarrassed, devastated, and angry. I went home thinking, Maybe they’re right. Maybe I should give up. I started to doubt myself.

After a day of feeling sorry for myself, I made a choice: No. I love to sing. I’m going to work harder and improve.

Today, I’m a singer and speaker. If I had let their words define me, I would have quit on something I love.

But how many kids do give up on something they love because someone tells them they’re not good enough?

When I ask students, “How many of you have given up on something you love because of someone’s opinion?” hands shoot up—including the hands of educators.

Two ways to help kids overcome doubt:

1. Support your child in completing this worksheet

2. Encourage them to ask, “Do I love this?” instead of “Am I good at this?”

Too often, kids measure their worth by others’ opinions. Help them focus on what brings them joy, and remind them that skills improve with effort.

This is what I know: Encouraging kids to keep going, even when they face criticism, helps them build resilience that lasts a lifetime. What matters most is believing in themselves!

Until next time…

26 Feb 2025

The #1 Mindset that Helps Kids Win in Life

Winning brings success—so does learning. When kids embrace a win-or-learn mindset, they recognize that every experience has value. Whether they achieve their goal or gain new insight, both outcomes help them grow stronger, wiser and more confident.

This perspective teaches them that success isn’t just about crossing the finish line—it’s also about the skills, knowledge and resilience they develop along the way. When kids understand this, they become more willing to take on challenges, push through difficulties and trust in their ability to improve.

Encourage them to reflect on these questions:

✔️ What worked well for me?

✔️ What new skill or understanding did I gain?

✔️ How can I use this experience to keep improving?

A win-or-lose way of thinking can create fear and self-doubt, making kids hesitant to try. But a win-or-learn mindset develops courage, motivation and perseverance.

This is what I know: Whether in school, sports or friendships, remind your kids that every challenge, setback or loss is progress on the path to success.

Until next time…

19 Feb 2025

How Connection and Awareness Help Kids Thrive

As parents and those who support kids, we all want to see them thrive—not just in school, but in life. Sure, teaching curriculum and life skills is important, but what really helps kids thrive is connection and awareness.

Connection builds trust, and awareness helps you see the world through a child’s eyes—their interests, emotions, and the way they learn. When you pay attention to what excites them, what challenges them, and what makes learning click for them, you not only unlock their potential, but you also create a space where they feel truly valued.

Take my son, for example. He struggled with math until he started working with a tutor who really ‘gets him.’ The tutor connects through my son’s love for sports, using hockey and baseball to explain math, which makes it a lot more engaging. The result? A huge boost in his confidence and grades.

This is what I know: When we take the time to recognize and nurture what makes each child unique, we’re not just supporting their education—we’re helping kids thrive by creating a space where they feel valued.

Until next time,

8 Jan 2025

Boost Kids’ Confidence with Daily Intentions

Intentions are a wonderful opportunity to inspire kids to think about how they want to show up in their daily lives.

By encouraging them to set daily intentions focused on who they want to be (rather than just what they want to achieve), you help them align with their character. This practice nurtures emotional and mental well-being, fostering confidence and resilience throughout the year.

Creating daily intentions doesn’t mean every day will be perfect or without challenges. Rather, it’s about giving kids a tool to guide their choices and actions, especially when faced with difficult or awkward moments.

An intention is a simple, focused choice—a way to decide who they want to be or how they want to feel on any given day.

3 Steps to Make Daily Intentions Part of Their Routine

1. Choose One Intention: Encourage kids to pick a simple phrase that reflects how they want to approach the day. They can come up with their own or use suggestions like: ✨Today, I choose kindness. ✨I choose to be a good listener. ✨I am brave. ✨I will stay curious and keep learning. ✨I will speak kindly to myself. ✨I embrace new challenges with confidence. ✨I choose to be a good teammate.

2. Write It Down or Say It Aloud: Help them reinforce the daily intention by writing it on a sticky note, drawing a picture of it or saying it out loud.

3. Reflect and Check In: Throughout the day, ask how their intention is guiding them. For example, “How did choosing kindness help you with your friends today?”

This is what I know: By encouraging your child to set daily intentions, you’re helping them develop a growth mindset. This simple practice sets them up to face challenges with courage and adaptability, making the year ahead an opportunity for emotional and personal growth.

Until next time…

4 Dec 2024

Is Your Stress Effecting Your Child’s Performance?

Have you ever watched your child face a big moment—whether it’s playing in a game, performing on stage, or preparing to speak in front of their class— and found yourself more nervous than they are? The ‘parent stress effect’ can create added pressure for children, making their own nerves harder to manage.”

After one of my presentations, a student shared, “I get so nervous singing in front of people, but it’s even harder because my parents get nervous too. They’re scared I’ll make a mistake.”

I asked her, “Do you think their nerves make you doubt yourself ?” She nodded quickly. “Yeah,” she said. “I just want to enjoy singing, but I feel like I have to make sure they’re okay too.”

Sometimes the hardest part isn’t even the thing you’re doing—it’s managing the expectations caused by the ‘parent stress effect’.

I asked, “What do you love about singing?” Her face lit up. “It makes me feel alive.”

I told her, “Your parents are nervous because they care about you and don’t want you to feel hurt if something goes wrong. You can let them know that even if you make a mistake, you will be OK.”

We talked about how focusing on the joy of what you love can shift your mindset.

I shared this: “You don’t have to sing perfectly; you just have to sing with heart. When you let others feel the love you have for what you’re doing, that’s what they’ll remember.”

This is what I know: The next time someone you care about steps into the spotlight, whether it’s on stage, in sports, or in life, let your ‘cheer’ be the loudest thing they hear. When you cheer for courage over outcome, you create a space for growth, confidence and beautiful, human imperfection.

Until next time,

20 Nov 2024

Self Reliant Kids: Power Up Their Mind – Not Their Devices

In today’s world, where technology plays a significant role in a child’s life, it’s easy for kids to become overly reliant on devices. Encouraging self reliant kids is important to ensure they grow up with independence and life skills. Don’t get me wrong, technology has many benefits, however, it can feel like it’s taking over.

When kids are encouraged to trust their abilities, they develop the confidence to tackle challenges head-on. Self reliant kids begin to see the incredible potential within themselves—their ideas, creativity and resourcefulness.

It’s more important than ever to teach kids how to rely on themselves rather than always reaching for a device.

1. Nurture Curiosity over Quick Answers

When your child has a question or faces a challenge, resist the urge to let them turn to a device for answers. Instead, ask questions like, ‘What ideas can you come up with?’ or ‘What’s one thing you could try to solve this?’ This practice will help build self reliant kids.

2. Build on What They Already Know

Encourage your child to recall past experiences or lessons they’ve learned to solve a problem. For example, if they’re stuck, ask, ‘What have you learned before that could help with this?’ or ‘Does this make you think of something you’ve seen or done before?’ Such reflections are pivotal for building self reliant kids.

3. Embrace Challenges as Opportunities to Learn

When your child gets stuck, remind them, ‘It’s okay not to have the answer right away—sometimes our brains need extra time to think.’ This teaches them to trust their mental process instead of defaulting to technology for instant solutions.

This what I know: Encouraging children to trust their own judgment doesn’t mean removing technology; it means guiding them to recognize that their true strength lies within themselves, not in a screen. Self reliant kids learn to rely on themselves first.

Until next time…

23 Oct 2024

Feedback – Hurtful to Helpful

When feedback is shared with our children, it might hurt at first, particularly if it seems critical. It’s natural for kids to take things personally and feel defensive, upset or disappointed. This is where we can step in and guide them toward a different way of thinking. Transitioning feedback from hurtful to helpful can make a significant difference.

My son came home visibly frustrated after receiving feedback from his coaches. When I asked him what was said, the words didn’t seem harsh. It was his interpretation of those words that was fueling his frustration. This inspired a family exercise we now call ‘Hurtful vs. Helpful’.

I sat Kai down and asked him again what his coach had said. Then, I followed up with: “What is your mind telling you about those words?”

His response revealed why he was so upset: “My mind is telling me I’m not good enough. They don’t think I’m good enough.”

I then asked him: “What if your coaches weren’t trying to hurt you but were actually trying to help you? What if they believe in your potential and want to see you improve, and that’s why they gave you this feedback?”

We discussed how we can’t control what others say or how they say it. However, we do have control over how we interpret their words and what we tell ourselves about what was said. This helps in turning hurtful feedback into something helpful.

I asked, “If you saw their feedback as them trying to help you because they believe in you, how would that change how you feel?”

After a pause, he said, “I’d feel happier.”

I then asked, “And if you felt happier, what would you choose to do next?”

He replied, “I’d try what they’re suggesting.”

This is what I know: How kids perceive feedback affects their emotions, which in turn influences their behavior, choices and mindset. Teaching them to understand that feedback can be seen as hurtful or helpful, allows them to focus on the positive aspects which will benefit them now and in the future.

Until next time…

28 Aug 2024

Rock the School Year: 3 Tips for a Child’s Success

The beginning of the school year – a time when emotions can be heightened, from excitement to anxiety and all the feelings in between. I remember those feelings from my own childhood!

Telling a child… ‘you can do this, you’re stronger than you think, you’ll get through this, just be yourself, focus on the fun parts’ – they can’t – no matter how many times they hear it! When emotions are overwhelming, it can be hard for kids to focus on positive affirmations or past successes.

Without strategies a child’s emotions can quickly become unmanageable, affecting their resilience and heightening their anxiety.

Three tips to help kids work through their emotions:

1. Problem-Solving is an essential tool for building emotional resilience. Encourage kids to reflect on their emotions and how to navigate different situations through role-playing. For example, you can create scenarios they might encounter at school, such as dealing with a disagreement with a friend, walking down the hall past older students, handling peer pressure, or tackling a difficult homework assignment. Acting out these scenarios allows them to express their feelings in a safe space, gain a sense of control, practice effective responses and explore various solutions.

2. Positive Self-Talk plays a significant role in building emotional resilience by helping kids manage their thoughts, emotions and reactions in challenging circumstances. It helps counteract negative thoughts that can lead to feelings of anxiety, stress or self-doubt. Reminding themselves that they can handle the situation or that they’ve been through tough times before, can reduce feelings of overwhelm and boost their confidence. Help your child come up with a positive phrase, such as ‘I can do this’, ‘I believe in myself’ or ‘I am brave.’ Suggest they write it down and place it in their room as a constant reminder.

3. Mindfulness Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation and visualization significantly strengthen their emotional resilience by fostering increased awareness, more effective management and deeper understanding of how emotions influence their moods. By practicing mindfulness, kids learn to observe their thoughts and emotions without immediately reacting to them. This pause creates space to choose more constructive responses, helping to prevent impulsive reactions and reduce emotional outbursts. Here’s a link to a 2-minute meditation that my 12-year-old son likes https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Jholcb8Gz0M

By equipping them with these strategies, you’re not only helping them manage stressful emotions but also fostering a sense of inner strength and calm that will serve them throughout their lives.

Until next time…

1 May 2024

How to Help a Child Overcome Loss

As children travel through life’s various challenges, they will inevitably need help to overcome loss.

Whether it’s in sports, extracurricular activities, relationships, or in everyday life, shielding kids from experiencing loss deprives them of the potential for personal growth and resilience.

Helping children overcome loss is vital for their development.

Be there for them as they confront and process the loss. Instead of trying to fix or change their emotions, listen to their thoughts and emotions with compassion and understanding.

Whether they are feeling sad, disappointed, angry or frustrated, create a space where they feel safe to express themselves. By recognizing and accepting their feelings, you teach them that it’s okay to experience a range of emotions and that they are not alone in their struggles.

Help them recognize that within every loss, there are often hidden opportunities or alternative paths waiting to be discovered. By reframing their perceptive on loss, they can often uncover hidden silver linings and find renewed hope and optimism.

Watch the video to learn one parent’s approach to his child losing her best friend.

Until next time…

18 Apr 2024

How Powerful is Self-Talk in Shaping a Child’s Resilience?

Recently, I had a conversation with my 11-year-old son about his self-talk during challenging moments—whether on the ice or in everyday life.

I asked him, “What do you tell yourself when things don’t go as planned? How do you bounce back?”

His response was simple yet powerful: “I tell myself, ‘I got this.’ And I keep repeating it.”

When his self talk is, “I got this,” it not only impacts his confidence and determination but also influences the path he will choose to take.

Whenever your child is facing a challenging time, the words they repeat matters. It’s the difference between perseverance and belief in themselves or self-doubt and defeat.

I encourage you to ask your child what they could tell themselves that would give them the power and confidence to bounce back from mistakes, misplays and challenging circumstances.

Here’s What I Know: In teaching them the power of self-talk, you will equip them with a valuable tool for navigating life’s inevitable challenges with courage and resilience.

Until next time…