Do you wait for a special occasion or a goal to be achieved?
This is what I know… Looking for ways to bring happiness into your life is very important to your emotional and mental well-being.
Think of everything you could do to create happiness. It might be talking to a friend/family member, going for nature walks, writing in a journal or watching/playing sports. It could be as simple as starting your day with your favourite breakfast food, song or cup of coffee/tea.
Write your happiness list on a big piece of paper and put it where you can see it.
You have now created your guide to HAPPINESS – a guide that will remind you how to tap into your happy place when you are feeling stressed, anxious or ‘blue’.
I forgot to add…your happiness list should not include ‘I’m only happy when_____ is happy.’ Never let your happiness depend on someone else’s happiness.
You deserve to be HAPPY! Make it a conscious choice!
P.S. Have your children/students create their own list.
Until next time…
29 Jun 2021
It’s been one tough school year!
Even though amusement parks have been closed, I have felt like I have been riding a roller coaster with lots of ups and downs. School opened, school closed, school opened, school closed…causing my emotions to be all over the place – sad, happy, frustrated, disappointed, excited, upset – you get the picture.
That’s why I decided it was more important than ever to focus on gratitude – to focus on what meant a lot to me – what I valued most. I realized that ‘the practice of gratitude’ benefitted me, not only mentally and physically, but also emotionally. Focusing on what I appreciated shifted my mood and mind to a happier state.
With that in mind I want to give a HUGE round of applause to:
Educators (in all capacities): Connecting with students through a screen is tough. Even though you had to quickly adjust and adapt to a new way of interacting, you stayed committed to keeping students interested and engaged. You made a difference for so many kids. You handled their silliness, their emotions & their interruptions with grace.
Parents/Guardians: Being home with your children 24/7 was a test of your patience, endurance and ingenuity. You had to take a more active role in your child’s education, even though you may have been working at the same time. You survived your kids constantly reminding you, ‘I’m hungry. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m hungry.’
Students (including my son Kai): It was a tough go. They had to give up so many routines they looked forward to, like recess, taking the school bus, after school activities, socializing with friends and for some, the before and after school programs. My son told me, even though he could see his teachers and friends virtually, it wasn’t the same as in-person, making it more difficult to stay motivated. I thank our children for being brave, determined, tolerant and patient (a difficult one for all of us).
I believe that no matter what is happening in your life, it is possible to focus on what you are grateful for, even if it’s the tiniest ‘gratitude’. Sometimes, for me, it was simply the thought of sitting quietly for five minutes sipping a coffee.
Wishing you Joy, Fun & Laughter!
Until next time…
26 May 2021
It is a BIG Deal to a Child
Children come to us with what seems like an overwhelming reaction to something we see as ‘no big deal’. To them, it is a ‘BIG deal’.
It can be easy to dismiss the distress your child is experiencing, not because you don’t care, but because you want to add logic, ‘everyone else is experiencing the same thing’ or ‘it will pass’. You may even think, ‘compared to what I’m going through or what’s going on in the world, it’s not a big deal’ and then shrug off their feelings.
It’s important to let kids know that you see their sadness, frustration, upset, anger and worry and that you are going to help them through it.
A few weeks ago my son started crying and then sobbing. He missed his friends so much. My heart was breaking seeing his sadness.
Initially my brain wanted to use logic with him, ‘There’s nothing we can do about it. All your friends are probably feeling the same way.’
I wanted to fix it, but I knew I needed to let him release his emotions. So I sat beside him & let him cry. When I saw he had gotten all his tears out, we talked about what we could do together to help him through his ‘big deal’.
When our children are in an emotional state, our job is not to problem-solve. It is to support, comfort and listen with empathy.
Until next time…
29 Apr 2021
Strengthen Kids Well-being through Play
Kids are facing challenging times. They have had to adapt to so many changes and countless cancelled extracurricular activities that they enjoyed and looked forward to.
And what does this trigger… lots of tough emotions that can affect their overall well-being.
One way you can nurture a child’s well-being and help them release their emotions in a healthy way is by engaging in play – an essential component to developing their resilience, confidence, happiness and overall health.
By actively playing with kids you create a stronger bond that shows you care and appreciate them. When I play with my son, it strengthens our connection and becomes the gateway for him to open up about his concerns, emotions, worries and joys.
Support a child’s play experiences by being present and engaged in:
Outdoor fun – a walk, a hike, bicycling, rollerblading, shooting hoops
Games – cards, board games, hide & go seek, scavenger hunt, video game for 2 or more
Music – sing, dance, play an instrument, write a song
Books – read out loud together, play the characters in the book, make funny voices, change the ending
Another way to support your child’s play experience is by asking them to write a list of activities that they would enjoy doing with you. You can then choose something off their list that helps them feel good.
If you’re short on time, you could say, ‘I have a busy day but I have saved 15 minutes to do an activity that you like.’ We do this with our son and he always says, ‘Let’s play mini sticks.’
We set the timer and play. Even 15 minutes of quality play, makes a positive difference by adding joy, laughter, problem solving and connection.
Until next time…
18 Mar 2021
What Kids are Telling Me
As a parent/educator it can be frustrating when your children/students won’t communicate with you. They clam up and it feels like they block you out. Trying to get through seems like a tug of war… and your team is losing!
By acknowledging and validating their emotions, you give them permission to feel what they are feeling. Without acknowledgement and validation, they are more likely to react by shutting you out. When they feel understood they will be more open to communicating and sharing. They will know that you are on their team.
I have asked kids what helps them when they are feeling angry, overwhelmed, anxious, irritated or sad. This is what they said
Until next time…
4 Mar 2021
How to Calm ‘The Worry Brain’
Do You or Your Kids/Students Worry?
When I was growing up I was the Queen of Worrying! I used to worry when I didn’t have something to worry about.
In this video I share 2 strategies to help you and your child/student calm the worrying brain.
I still use these strategies. They make a big difference!
Until next time…
21 May 2020
Pets Bring Us So Much Joy and Comfort
It’s amazing how many photos I have of our dog Finn and yet I find myself taking more. He looks at me as if to say … ‘again … don’t you have anything else to do?’
Sometimes I will walk Finn chatting away. I’m sure the neighbours wonder?
He pays attention to my every word. To him I must be the smartest and most interesting person in the world.
If I feel sad, frustrated, disappointed or anxious he listens intently. He does not interrupt or give me advice. I get to just share with no judgment.
Perhaps that’s why so many students raise their hand when I ask, ‘Who talks to their pet to move through emotions?’
Our furry friends (and not so furry) play an important part in our physical, mental and emotional well-being. Studies show time and time again that pets are healing!
Our Finn is an important part of our family! He brings happiness and peace. He’s always excited to see us (especially my husband) and he loves to be petted, carried and snuggled.
Finn loves us and we love him. Sure there are times when his bark annoys us … but he’s worth it!
Do you have a pet – maybe it’s a lizard, cat, dog, fish, bird, rabbit, hamster – that you couldn’t imagine life without? Share a photo on Instagram and tag me in it so I can share it @iamsarawestbrook
Until next time…
26 Feb 2020
It’s Time to Stop Saying ‘I’m Fine’
I have helpful suggestions to implement in your day-to-day, but let’s start with some inner reflection before we get there. Read the following two scenarios and let me know what you think.
Scenario # 1: Your child/student asks, “Are you okay?” and you reply, “I’m fine,” even though you’re not. You feel a big emotion and they can clearly tell something’s off, but you don’t want to overwhelm them with your emotional state.
Scenario # 2: You ask your child/student, “Are you okay?” and they reply, “I’m fine.” You know they’re not fine, so you reassure them, “You can tell me anything.” They stick to their guns: “I’m fine.”
Hmm … What did you notice? There’s something concerning in both of these situations and it comes down to: Who do children learn from? Us.
Monkey See, Monkey Do
It’s no wonder that children mirror our actions—we’re their biggest role models. They follow our lead and if we don’t model what we want them to learn, how will they learn it? When we avoid sharing our emotions, we teach kids to do the same.
We all feel emotions. We all feel annoyed, angry, overwhelmed, embarrassed, sad, nervous, among others. So why don’t we feel free to express them? When we go to great lengths to hide these emotions and deny them, we teach kids avoidance and suppression – monkey see, monkey do. You know those old sayings are often true!
So what can we do?
How to Express Emotions
If I’ve learned anything from my career in educating others on emotional awareness and emotional management, it’s that it’s impossible to help a person overcome an emotion simply by saying, “Don’t feel that way.” Think of how you react when someone tells you “Just stop feeling X.” Even if they mean well, this statement probably does the opposite than they intended, then we’re back to square one.
Our kids are the same way. The students I present to tell me that when they feel flooded with an emotion, they can’t stop thinking about it, no matter how many times they’re told to just stop or let it go. And yet they have often learned from us that the socially acceptable thing to do is say ‘”I’m fine.”
As adults, it’s up to us to model healthy actions. Next time your child/student asks how you are feeling, if you are feeling a little less-than, it’s okay to tell them. Of course, we want to share our emotions in a productive way, so try the following suggestions:
Step outside your comfort zone.
Choose to step outside your comfort zone by admitting your true feelings. For example, if you feel frustrated, it’s good to be honest and say “I’m feeling frustrated.” Share, in an age appropriate way, what triggered your frustration. If you find that you are not sure how you are feeling, use the Elephant in the Room poster to help.
Let them know that emotions are natural
and normal. Explain that it’s okay to feel not okay. Show them how to move
through challenging emotions like frustration, anxious, overwhelmed.
When my son Kai, who is seven, is
overwhelmed with emotion, I bend down so I am at his eye level and I
say, ‘Kai breathe. Take a deep breath in and blow out slowly.’ I breathe with him.We repeat ‘the breath’ 3 times or whatever amount he needs in
order to calm himself.
What’s something you could do to help you move through in a healthy way?’ Use FindYour Calm poster to discover more ways to move through emotions.
3. Be the role model.
It
takes courage to admit when something feels off. Pretending everything is fine
catches up to you. The TV show
‘Grey’s Anatomy’ put it best –
‘It’s a lie that both comforts and destroys.’
The next time you are about to say, “I’m fine”. STOP.
As uncomfortable as it may be, remember that naming
and moving through emotions allows you to
connect and communicate a powerful part of yourself. By sharing how you are truly feeling, the
children in your life will learn to do the same
By choosing to continuously model these suggestions, children learn the importance of emotional awareness and emotional management, which is hugely beneficial to building their resilience and well-being.
Until next time…
12 Feb 2020
Why is the Thought of Asking So Scary?
‘You get in life what you have the courage to ask for.’ Oprah Winfrey
Think about a time you wanted to ask a question and didn’t.
Have you ever avoided asking because you were scared you would hear that one word … it’s not yes … it’s No!
Has the fear of ‘NO’ stopped you from pursuing a dream, taking a stand or getting an answer to something you really want to know?
Think of all you are missing because you are allowing fear to stop you … all the unanswered questions … all the missed opportunities.
Young people tell me that when they are feeling shy, nervous, embarrassed, sad or anxious – it’s harder to ask. I agree!
It’s natural to feel these emotions. The key is not to allow these emotions to stop you.
Choices from these emotions easily steer you not to ask. Choices from courage allow you to feel the emotions and ask anyway.
Where will you choose to make your choices from? Fear? or Courage?
Choose Courage.
Go on… Ask!
Until next time…
27 Jan 2020
Praise Effort Regardless of the Results
My husband coaches our son’s hockey team. His coaching philosophy is one I admire and wholeheartedly believe in. Here’s what he shared with the parents early in the season:
“We’ve been praising the full effort of the kids and are less concerned with who scores… not that we don’t acknowledge the goal, we praise how the goal came about.”
I love this concept and think this coaching technique can carry through to how we as parents and educators interact with kids on a daily basis.
Consider doing this: Praise their effort regardless of the results.
For example, your child
or student receives an A on their recent test. Do you say:
A. ‘Wow! You’re really smart!’ or…
B. ‘Look at what you have achieved. You chose to put in the effort and be determined. Excellent work!’
More and more studies show that choice B is more beneficial for kids. Using the theory of Carol Dweck, a psychology professor, choice B teaches our kids a growth mindset, while choice A encourages a fixed mindset.
With a growth mindset, people approach challenges knowing that they have the ability to learn and to improve every day if they put in the effort. With a fixed mindset, people believe their basic abilities, their intelligence, their talent, are just fixed traits. They have a certain amount and that’s that. Their goal becomes to look smart all the time. (Wikipedia)
I think there’s more to unwrap here…
How do you teach children a growth mindset and the value of effort?
Let’s use hockey as an example.
When players understand the importance of being open to learning they become confident enough to put in the effort to embrace new skills. They start to realize that, even though they may not have learned all the skills, it doesn’t mean they never will, it just means they haven’t learnt them YET! This mindset gets them ready to take on the challenges of training and development. And regardless of whether they win or lose, they learn to value the experiences.
This mindset will look like this:
‘I will put in the effort’. ‘I like to learn new skills’. ‘I am a problem solver’. ‘I can overcome challenge’.
Praising effort helps kids see the importance of the actions they took. If they know that being determined to go after the puck and staying focused on skating with a full stride helped them score a goal, they’ll know to stay focused on practicing those skills in order to score again. If we tell them, “You’re so talented! Great goal!” how will they know what they need to do to score again? How will they know which character traits they used to get there?
By attaching specific character traits to their efforts we show children that character based choices matter and what their effort and character looks like in action.
How do you shift your words to praise the effort in every day situations?
Here are some
examples:
Great job! (what made it a great job?) You were so determined to learn your spelling words!
You’re a good friend. (what makes them a good friend?) You showed generosity because you shared your snack.
Way to go! (what did they do?) You were kind. You held the door open for them.
The more we focus our praise on acknowledging the efforts and the character traits used to achieve the desired end result, we teach children that the journey matters—how they succeed is just as important as succeeding.
Exercise: Start to praise the effort instead of the results with your own kids or students. Pay attention to how you praise and pause in those moments…what character trait could you add?
Want to share how you’ve changed the praise dialogue for your family or school? Tag me on Instagram with an example of how you praised the effort to teach your child/student about a character-based choice they made. Let’s work together on this!
){kind=icon}
