resilient kids Archives

21 Mar 2024

How to Help Kids When They Act Out

Sometimes kids act out without being mindful of their words and actions, which may result in misunderstandings. And when that happens it can be embarrassing and frustrating, not only for us, but also for them.

How we help kids when they act out, is what matters.

Below are strategies I use with my son:

1. Encourage reflection: Prompt your child to reflect on their actions and consider how they could have handled the situation differently. Encourage them to think about the impact of their words and actions on themselves and others.

2. Cultivate empathy: Help your child consider the feelings of others by prompting them to reflect on how their actions might affect others. Ask them to reflect how they think their actions may impact others and encourage them to consider the feelings of others. Acknowledge and praise children when they demonstrate thoughtfulness and mindfulness in their words and actions.

3. Teach problem-solving skills: Help your child develop problem-solving skills by discussing different ways to approach situations and brainstorming possible solutions together. Encourage them to think about potential consequences before acting.

4. Promote self-compassion: It’s natural to feel guilt and sadness after mistreating someone, even if it was unintentional. Guide your child to apologize, forgive themselves and focus on the lessons learned. Teach them to be kind to themselves when they mess up.

This is what I know: Establishing a nurturing environment when kids act out fosters an atmosphere where children feel safe to share their thoughts and emotions and where they feel supported in their efforts to learn and grow.

7 Dec 2023

Parenting with Love Through Life’s Boundaries

In our ongoing endeavour to establish healthy boundaries that nurture the mental and emotional well-being of our children, there are three challenges that often come up to test our efforts:

1. Desire to be liked: You may worry your children won’t like you when enforcing boundaries and consequences. While it isn’t pleasant to hear your child yelling, ‘I don’t like you’, it doesn’t mean they don’t. What they are really saying is, ‘I don’t like your boundaries. I don’t like your consequences.’ Understanding this, helps you respond with the intent of encouraging growth rather than reacting solely from the emotions you may be triggered to feel, like anger or guilt.

2. Remembering when you were a kid: You may find yourself thinking, ‘I know what it’s like to feel disappointment and I don’t want that for my child.’ Attempting to protect them from disappointment is not in their best interest. We want kids to grow into adults that know how to manage emotions like disappointment rather than avoiding them.

3. Wanting them to make their own choices: While it’s important to encourage independence and decision-making skills, many parents make the mistake of thinking their child has the logic and reasoning of an adult and will naturally make the responsible choices (I have had those moments). Unfortunately, our children don’t have the life experiences to pull from, nor the maturity to know what might be in their best interest.

Strategies to Establish Healthy Boundaries

1. Clarity on your boundaries: Knowing what boundaries and consequences work best for your child ahead of time will stop you from making a decision in the heat of the moment – one you may later regret. Plus, letting your child know the expectation ahead of time gives them clarity and awareness.

2. Be their parent: Growing up, when I would push back on my mom’s boundaries, she would say, ‘I’m your parent and I have a job to do.’ This mindset allowed her to enforce the structure that I needed, even when I didn’t know that’s what I needed. She didn’t allow my disappointment to become her guilt. Remain sturdy. Remember you are arming your child with important life skills.

3. Stay consistent: Children thrive on consistency, and it helps them understand the boundaries that are in place. Of course, there will be times when you will fall off track, but be honest with your kids by saying, ‘I haven’t followed through with what we talked about and that’s on me. Moving forward my expectations are…(fill in the blank)’. Your kids will appreciate your honesty.

4. Preventing entitlement: Establishing clear boundaries helps prevent a sense of entitlement. When kids understand that there are limits to their wants and behaviours, they learn the valuable lesson that the world doesn’t always cater to their every wish. This realization fosters a more realistic and appreciative perspective, reducing the likelihood of entitlement.

This is What I Know: When your child pushes back – that’s their job – your role is to maintain a healthy boundary. By staying steadfast, they will learn to cope with disappointment, frustration and setbacks, essential for bouncing back from life’s challenges.

Until next time,

8 Feb 2022

Because I Felt Like It!

Ever wondered, ‘Why is my child/student acting this way? Why are they being rude, disrespectful or hurtful? That’s not like them.’

Ever asked, ‘Why did you do/say that?’

Here’s why: Emotions.

I’m sure you have heard this response to the above questions… ‘because I felt like it!’… and it’s probably true.

A circumstance happened that caused them to feel frustrated, worried, upset, angry or stressed. However, the circumstance wasn’t the only reason for the behaviour, the circumstance triggered an emotion and the child reacted out of that emotion causing a behaviour.

Since emotions are super easy to react out of, they can easily impact choices leading your child/student’s to behave in a way that is not their character.

The next time they have a behaviour that doesn’t reflect who you know they are, instead of asking ‘why did you do that?’

ASK: ‘What emotion were you feeling when you did or said that?’

Watch my video to learn more about my take on behaviour & emotions.

Until next time…