As a parent/educator it can be frustrating when your children/students won’t communicate with you. They clam up and it feels like they block you out. Trying to get through seems like a tug of war… and your team is losing!
By acknowledging and validating their emotions, you give them permission to feel what they are feeling. Without acknowledgement and validation, they are more likely to react by shutting you out. When they feel understood they will be more open to communicating and sharing. They will know that you are on their team.
I have asked kids what helps them when they are feeling angry, overwhelmed, anxious, irritated or sad. This is what they said
Until next time…
18 Feb 2021
How to Maintain Healthy Relationships
Relationships can be challenging, creating emotions that we are sometimes afraid to share or admit. We are all emotional beings, experiencing a wide range of emotions – yet, it is one of our commonalities that we feel uncomfortable talking about.
During my presentations, regardless of the age of my audience, I ask, ‘why are emotions hard to share?’ The number one answer is ‘fear of judgment’. It can be too easy to meet emotions with judgment and denial which then creates a disconnect in relationships. Our brain will want to know WHY someone is feeling a certain way so that it can judge if the feeling is warranted. What if we could validate an emotion even if we don’t understand where it is coming from?
Think about how you would like someone to approach your emotions.
Here’s a scenario:
A) You share that you are feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and sad. Your partner, colleague, friend or family member says, ‘stop it – you are overreacting.’ Does that reaction tell you that it’s not ok to feel your emotions? Do you feel there is no space to share your true emotions? Do you feel guilt or shame for sharing?
How about this…
B) You share that you are feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and sad. Your partner, colleague, friend or family member says to you ‘It’s ok to feel. There is a lot going on. I have also felt those emotions.’ Now how do you feel? Do you feel seen? Connected? Supported?
We all want to be heard, be seen and be loved – this is universal. One of the best ways to validate and to connect with others (including your children/students) is to support their emotions by remembering that ‘It’s OK to feel and that It’s OK not to feel OK.’ This is what strengthens relationships.
Until next time…
28 Jan 2021
It’s Okay to Not Be Okay!
What’s the one part of the human experience we don’t want to talk about…EMOTIONS…which is a HUGE part of our mental health.
We all have emotions!
We may not have experienced the same circumstances – but we have all felt angry, sad, anxious, annoyed, frustrated and disappointed. Yet so many people are saying, ‘I’m fine’ when asked ‘how are you doing?’
It can feel overwhelming and vulnerable to share. You can even feel guilt or shame for feeling the way you do.
Keep reminding yourself…IT’S OK to FEEL. IT’S OK to NOT BE OK. Write it out. Place those words where you can read them every day.
Be proactive with your mental health by taking care of your emotional health:
☑ Practice emotional awareness. Put a name to your emotions. If you need help with this, email me and I’ll send you a chart to help you identify your emotions.
☑ Be observant. When experiencing an emotion – what physical impact does it have on you? For example: When I feel anxious it impacts my stomach – it feels like butterflies – it’s uncomfortable.
☑ Make a list of your healthy ways to move with and through your emotions. Have everyone in your family create their own list. Creating a list is powerful as you can forget what helps you calm when you are experiencing a big emotion. For me, deep breathing, writing, baking, music, working out and talking to someone are all helpful.
It takes courage to talk about your feelings and to reach out for help and comfort when you need it. When you choose to be brave and share you find connection – only with others but also with yourself.
Your Emotions Matter. Your Mental Health Matters. You Matter.
Until next time…
30 Nov 2020
Guess What We All have in Common?
‘What emotion are you feeling?’
When you think about truly sharing your emotions, would you prefer to leave the conversation or conveniently find something else to talk about? Maybe it’s because you don’t know how you are feeling or maybe you want to shout ‘none of your business!’ Or is it because you think sharing emotions makes you look weak?
EXPRESSING EMOTIONS CAN BE TOUGH.
As human beings we enjoy feeling comfortable – ever heard a mattress commercial? All the marketing company has to do is focus on how comfortable the mattress is – SOLD! We LOVE comfortable. Emotions are not always comfortable. They are messy, awkward and can feel down-right painful both mentally and physically.
You may be able to fool yourself into believing that by ignoring or suppressing emotions you won’t have to face them. Wrong. Not acknowledging your emotions causes burnout, health challenges, anxiety, and strained relationships
EMOTIONS AREN’T YOUR ENEMY.
Emotions are a natural and normal part of the human experience. Emotions are the one thing we all have in common. We may not have experienced the same circumstances – but we have all felt angry, sad, anxious, frustrated, disappointed and overwhelmed. Isn’t it comforting to know you’re not alone?
SURPRISE! EXPRESSING YOUR EMOTIONS HELPS:
boost happiness
reduce stress & anxiety
build resilience
improve communication
establish stronger relationships
create empathy
bring harmony and well-being to your mental and physical state
Instead of suppressing your emotions, use these 3 ways to help you move with and through your emotions:
1. NAME YOUR EMOTIONS
There is a release that happens just in saying your emotion out loud, ‘I’m feeling sad.’ It makes it feel less intense. Acknowledge your emotions, instead of making yourself feel bad, wrong or weak for feeling. Next time someone asks, ‘how are you feeling?’ tell them. You are allowed to feel. You are supposed to feel. You will also be giving permission to others to speak up about their emotions.
2. RELEASE EMOTIONS IN A HEALTHY WAY
Create a list of healthy ways to move through your emotions. This will help you get clear about strategies that are helpful. Post it somewhere that will serve as a reminder. When you are experiencing an uncomfortable emotion you can easily forget what helps you move through.
3. FIND YOUR CALM
Being able to calm yourself in the moment from tough emotions and overwhelming circumstances is often easier said than done. Knowing ways to help you relax and decrease stress will calm your mind and body quickly. If one way doesn’t work for you, try another one. Some of my favourites are paying attention to my breath, relaxing with a cup of tea or coffee, humming or singing and watering my plants.
You would never take dead batteries, place them in a flashlight and expect it to shine – yet there are times you will drain yourself emotionally and stick yourself into work, relationships and conversations and expect to shine.
Reach out, ask for help and accept support. You Matter!
Until next time…
10 Oct 2020
I Am Enough.
Have you ever found yourself thinking, ‘I’m not good enough’ or questioning ‘do I matter?’
We all have moments of self-doubts. The problem is those self-doubts keep you from reaching your greatest potential.
Years ago I realized I had a choice – to believe my self-doubts or replace them with three powerful words… ‘I AM ENOUGH.’
By repeating these 3 words you will strengthen your confidence allowing you to carry on with the important work you are doing! It will also rewire your mind for positivity, gratitude and love.
It doesn’t happen overnight. It takes practice, consistency and will-power.
The key is to repeat it often so it becomes a habit.
Helpful Tip: Grab a piece of paper and write in BIG letters ‘I AM ENOUGH’ and place it where you will see it daily. Every time a thought or feeling comes up that questions whether you are enough, take 3 deep breaths and mindfully repeat… ‘I AM ENOUGH.’
You are Enough! The world needs YOU and your unique gifts.
Until next time…
6 Oct 2020
Boost Well-being with a Dose of Gratitude
As we find ourselves and our children/students adapting to a new version of what school looks like, whether it’s ‘online learning’ or ‘in building learning’, we may all be experiencing challenging circumstances which can trigger some tough emotions like: anger, sadness, frustration, anxious or disappointment.
Is there an antidote to help you and your children/students bounce back from these challenges and emotions? YES!
It’s called GRATITUDE.
Feeling and expressing gratitude not only boosts emotional and mental well-being, but also boosts your immune system and your happiness.
How do you teach children the skill of gratitude?
Below are 3 grateful activities that are a fun way to practice and express gratitude.
1. VISUAL DISPLAY OF GRATITUDE
Create a tree, a banner, a board or a collage as a display to encourage children to focus on the people, experiences and things in their life that make them feel grateful and appreciative. Every day have them reflect and write one aspect of their life they are grateful for. By adding their paper to the display they deepen relationships and become more connected to the people around them.
2. JOURNALING
Journaling creates a practice of connecting to gratitude and helps with their writing skills. Daily entries in their own private journal about the people, events and things they are grateful for, helps them with emotional resilience and self-esteem. For those who may say, like my son, ‘I can’t think of anything’, here are some helpful hints:
What did you do today that was fun?
What makes you happy?
What do you look forward to when you wake up?
Who or what makes you smile?
What did you do today that made you feel brave?
What made you proud today?
Who was kind to you today?
What is your favourite place to visit?
3. CREATE A JAR OF JOY
A Jar of Joy is a fun, creative way to help children practice gratitude. Begin by providing a jar large enough to hold daily gratitude notes. Then personalize the jar with decorations using ribbons, stickers, pompoms, sparkles, markers etc
After decorating the jar, it’s time to add the ’gratitudes’ they have written about people, places or things. They can also add photos or cut out images from magazines that depict their gratitudes. Whenever they are having a challenging moment where they need a joyful lift encourage them to take a gratitude from their jar and have a brief discussion about it.
Being reminded to focus on what they enjoy and are grateful for, will not only shift their mood and mind to a happier state, but also yours.
Gratitude is transformational! Choosing to focus on what you are grateful for transforms how you feel about yourself, others and your life!
Until next time…
25 Jun 2020
Take Care of You First
Be selfish to be selfless. Sounds pretty … selfish!
What if, in order to help others, you first have to take care of yourself?
You would never take dead batteries and put them into a flashlight and expect it to shine. Yet, sometimes you will drain yourself, your battery, and then put yourself into relationships, work and conversations and expect to shine.
It doesn’t work that way!
You need to take care of yourself first. That’s why flight attendants ask you to put on your oxygen mask first. If you run out of oxygen, you won’t be able to help anyone else with their mask. The same applies in life.
The happier, healthier and more self-fulfilled you feel, the more you will be able to give to what matters to you most… family, friends, work, community.
Take time for you by reading, sleeping, eating healthy, listening to music, exercising, deep breathing etc. Make sure you are rejuvenating and recharging your batteries so you can keep on shining for yourself and others.
Until next time…
21 May 2020
Pets Bring Us So Much Joy and Comfort
It’s amazing how many photos I have of our dog Finn and yet I find myself taking more. He looks at me as if to say … ‘again … don’t you have anything else to do?’
Sometimes I will walk Finn chatting away. I’m sure the neighbours wonder?
He pays attention to my every word. To him I must be the smartest and most interesting person in the world.
If I feel sad, frustrated, disappointed or anxious he listens intently. He does not interrupt or give me advice. I get to just share with no judgment.
Perhaps that’s why so many students raise their hand when I ask, ‘Who talks to their pet to move through emotions?’
Our furry friends (and not so furry) play an important part in our physical, mental and emotional well-being. Studies show time and time again that pets are healing!
Our Finn is an important part of our family! He brings happiness and peace. He’s always excited to see us (especially my husband) and he loves to be petted, carried and snuggled.
Finn loves us and we love him. Sure there are times when his bark annoys us … but he’s worth it!
Do you have a pet – maybe it’s a lizard, cat, dog, fish, bird, rabbit, hamster – that you couldn’t imagine life without? Share a photo on Instagram and tag me in it so I can share it @iamsarawestbrook
Until next time…
6 May 2020
Teaching Kids to Bounce Back
Children are experiencing a lot of changes during this unprecedented time. They are missing their friends and their extended family. Their routines have been turned upside down. They may be frustrated with staying home and overwhelmed with the conversations around COVID-19.
As a parent, you might wish you could shield them from the challenges they face, but that’s neither possible, nor beneficial for building their resilience. During this time it’s especially important to help them see their challenges as an opportunity to learn, grow and bounce back so they can keep moving forward.
Here are 3 tips to help your child be a ‘Bounce Back’ kid:
1. Explain that everyone is facing changes and challenges. Ask them to write out all the choices they can make from the challenging circumstances they are experiencing. This will change their focus from ‘what happened’ to ‘how can I move through this’
2. Each day they will experience different emotions like anger, disappointment, happiness, frustration, sadness. At times these emotions will feel like they are riding a roller coaster. Knowing that these emotions are normal and experienced by everyone will help them realize they are not alone and that it’s OK to feel a range of emotions.
3. Encourage them to come up with healthy ways to release these emotions (drawing, talking to someone, reading, watching a show, journaling etc). Have them create a list so that they know what to do when these emotions arise. Put the list in a place they can see everyday. It’s also important for you to know their healthy ways to release their emotions so that you can remind them what to do when they are feeling overwhelmed.
Let your children know you are always there for them.
Remind them: They Matter! They are Enough!
Until next time…
1 Apr 2020
My Grandpa’s Secret
My grandpa died a few months ago of natural causes. He was 102… ONE HUNDRED AND TWO.
Isn’t that amazing? I think he had a secret to his longevity.
My grandpa always told me something I thought was very special which I often remind myself of: “If you can’t clown around in the world, you will never get around.”
You could take everything personally, focus on the negative, feel down and discouraged or you could adopt some of my grandpa’s positivity and choose to clown around. Imagine what would happen if you added humour to your days? What if you playedmore? Wouldn’t that be fun? That’s my grandpa’s secret. He chose humour.
I know it’s not always easy…
“But Sara, what if certain things just feel hard?” I hear you.
The truth is … it’s sometimes hard for all of us. My grandpa’s life wasn’t all fun and games. He struggled at times and in more ways than most—I bet it wasn’t easy for him to find humour every day. He was blind by the time he was a teenager and when the other kids learned how to drive, he longed for the day that never came. I saw his struggle first hand when he’d whisper in my ear his simple wish for sight.
When my grandpa was growing up, if you were blind, you were sent to boarding school. It could have felt terrible for him to live away from his friends and family, but he found a loved one there… my grandma. She was also blind.
He tuned pianos for a living because what he lacked in sight he made up for in sound and together, they raised three children with bells on their shoes—a little trick to keep track of their footsteps around the house. Isn’t that fun?!
I think the moral of this story is that with humour, you build resilience. Of course, there will be difficult times, but it’s important to always search for joy, silver linings, and silliness in times that feel hard. I think laughter is healing and humour goes a long way to helping you move through challenging circumstances and tough emotions.
How to add humour to your day
My fondest memories of my grandpa are filled with laughter. Joking together! I want to thank him a thousand times over for his wise words, but all I can do is share them with you.
It’s a childlike quality that we can carry into adulthood. I think of my son sometimes when I need a reminder. When our babies are born, we do everything we can to make them laugh. Now, he laughs at the oddest jokes that he thinks are really funny. It makes me happy to see him so happy and we snowball from there. Don’t you think that’s proof enough of the positive impact humour has on our wellbeing? I sure do!
Here’s a few ways to find your ‘inner clown’ even if you think it’s silly:
Make funny faces in the mirror – sounds weird but it works.
Sing really loud using a funny voice.
Watch a funny movie and laugh until your face feels like it’s
cracking.
Dance like no one is watching.
Play dress up with your kids or friends.
Laughter and humour will give you the space to cope with a situation with a more relaxed view and help give you a different perspective so you can bounce back with more ease.
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