Children come to us with what seems like an overwhelming reaction to something we see as ‘no big deal’. To them, it is a ‘BIG deal’.
It can be easy to dismiss the distress your child is experiencing, not because you don’t care, but because you want to add logic, ‘everyone else is experiencing the same thing’ or ‘it will pass’. You may even think, ‘compared to what I’m going through or what’s going on in the world, it’s not a big deal’ and then shrug off their feelings.
It’s important to let kids know that you see their sadness, frustration, upset, anger and worry and that you are going to help them through it.
A few weeks ago my son started crying and then sobbing. He missed his friends so much. My heart was breaking seeing his sadness.
Initially my brain wanted to use logic with him, ‘There’s nothing we can do about it. All your friends are probably feeling the same way.’
I wanted to fix it, but I knew I needed to let him release his emotions. So I sat beside him & let him cry. When I saw he had gotten all his tears out, we talked about what we could do together to help him through his ‘big deal’.
When our children are in an emotional state, our job is not to problem-solve. It is to support, comfort and listen with empathy.
Until next time…
13 May 2021
Let Go of the Guilt
You know it’s important to take care of yourself. You know it will help with your emotional, mental & physical well-being. You know it will boost your happiness and you know by nurturing yourself, it will put you in a better place to help those you love.
Knowing isn’t enough. You actually have to put your knowledge into action.
And beyond that… you have to make self-care a necessity – a MUST do!
Have you made it your top priority?
If not, do you by chance feel guilty when you do something for yourself?
Kids are facing challenging times. They have had to adapt to so many changes and countless cancelled extracurricular activities that they enjoyed and looked forward to.
And what does this trigger… lots of tough emotions that can affect their overall well-being.
One way you can nurture a child’s well-being and help them release their emotions in a healthy way is by engaging in play – an essential component to developing their resilience, confidence, happiness and overall health.
By actively playing with kids you create a stronger bond that shows you care and appreciate them. When I play with my son, it strengthens our connection and becomes the gateway for him to open up about his concerns, emotions, worries and joys.
Support a child’s play experiences by being present and engaged in:
Outdoor fun – a walk, a hike, bicycling, rollerblading, shooting hoops
Games – cards, board games, hide & go seek, scavenger hunt, video game for 2 or more
Music – sing, dance, play an instrument, write a song
Books – read out loud together, play the characters in the book, make funny voices, change the ending
Another way to support your child’s play experience is by asking them to write a list of activities that they would enjoy doing with you. You can then choose something off their list that helps them feel good.
If you’re short on time, you could say, ‘I have a busy day but I have saved 15 minutes to do an activity that you like.’ We do this with our son and he always says, ‘Let’s play mini sticks.’
We set the timer and play. Even 15 minutes of quality play, makes a positive difference by adding joy, laughter, problem solving and connection.
Until next time…
14 Apr 2021
You Can Do This!
With the current announcement of students not going back to in-person learning after the April Break and with everything else going on in our world, there are many emotions being felt.
Allow yourself to feel.
Keep reaching out – sharing – talking with respect for self & others.
Let’s keep supporting one another.
Resilience isn’t a solo event – it takes a community.
Your feelings may be BIG but our Strength together is BIGGER and Stronger!
Until next time…
31 Mar 2021
The Lesson I have Learned
It can be easy to want to strive for perfection.
One of the most important lessons I have learned is that perfection doesn’t exist.
Life is about reflection and redirection…not perfection.
Reflection is a key component in your learning and in your progress.
Reflecting back to choices you have made is helpful. The important part of reflection is remembering not to stay there because it can quickly turn into obsession which is unproductive and unhealthy.
Learn from the choices you make, forgive the mistakes and move forward with your new perspective and lesson learned. Doing this allows you to redirect with purpose.
It gives you the green light to focus on effort and progress, instead of this illusion we call perfection.
So let your imperfect self shine! You are aiming for progress!
Until next time…
18 Mar 2021
What Kids are Telling Me
As a parent/educator it can be frustrating when your children/students won’t communicate with you. They clam up and it feels like they block you out. Trying to get through seems like a tug of war… and your team is losing!
By acknowledging and validating their emotions, you give them permission to feel what they are feeling. Without acknowledgement and validation, they are more likely to react by shutting you out. When they feel understood they will be more open to communicating and sharing. They will know that you are on their team.
I have asked kids what helps them when they are feeling angry, overwhelmed, anxious, irritated or sad. This is what they said
Until next time…
4 Mar 2021
How to Calm ‘The Worry Brain’
Do You or Your Kids/Students Worry?
When I was growing up I was the Queen of Worrying! I used to worry when I didn’t have something to worry about.
In this video I share 2 strategies to help you and your child/student calm the worrying brain.
I still use these strategies. They make a big difference!
Until next time…
18 Feb 2021
How to Maintain Healthy Relationships
Relationships can be challenging, creating emotions that we are sometimes afraid to share or admit. We are all emotional beings, experiencing a wide range of emotions – yet, it is one of our commonalities that we feel uncomfortable talking about.
During my presentations, regardless of the age of my audience, I ask, ‘why are emotions hard to share?’ The number one answer is ‘fear of judgment’. It can be too easy to meet emotions with judgment and denial which then creates a disconnect in relationships. Our brain will want to know WHY someone is feeling a certain way so that it can judge if the feeling is warranted. What if we could validate an emotion even if we don’t understand where it is coming from?
Think about how you would like someone to approach your emotions.
Here’s a scenario:
A) You share that you are feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and sad. Your partner, colleague, friend or family member says, ‘stop it – you are overreacting.’ Does that reaction tell you that it’s not ok to feel your emotions? Do you feel there is no space to share your true emotions? Do you feel guilt or shame for sharing?
How about this…
B) You share that you are feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and sad. Your partner, colleague, friend or family member says to you ‘It’s ok to feel. There is a lot going on. I have also felt those emotions.’ Now how do you feel? Do you feel seen? Connected? Supported?
We all want to be heard, be seen and be loved – this is universal. One of the best ways to validate and to connect with others (including your children/students) is to support their emotions by remembering that ‘It’s OK to feel and that It’s OK not to feel OK.’ This is what strengthens relationships.
Until next time…
28 Jan 2021
It’s Okay to Not Be Okay!
What’s the one part of the human experience we don’t want to talk about…EMOTIONS…which is a HUGE part of our mental health.
We all have emotions!
We may not have experienced the same circumstances – but we have all felt angry, sad, anxious, annoyed, frustrated and disappointed. Yet so many people are saying, ‘I’m fine’ when asked ‘how are you doing?’
It can feel overwhelming and vulnerable to share. You can even feel guilt or shame for feeling the way you do.
Keep reminding yourself…IT’S OK to FEEL. IT’S OK to NOT BE OK. Write it out. Place those words where you can read them every day.
Be proactive with your mental health by taking care of your emotional health:
☑ Practice emotional awareness. Put a name to your emotions. If you need help with this, email me and I’ll send you a chart to help you identify your emotions.
☑ Be observant. When experiencing an emotion – what physical impact does it have on you? For example: When I feel anxious it impacts my stomach – it feels like butterflies – it’s uncomfortable.
☑ Make a list of your healthy ways to move with and through your emotions. Have everyone in your family create their own list. Creating a list is powerful as you can forget what helps you calm when you are experiencing a big emotion. For me, deep breathing, writing, baking, music, working out and talking to someone are all helpful.
It takes courage to talk about your feelings and to reach out for help and comfort when you need it. When you choose to be brave and share you find connection – only with others but also with yourself.
Your Emotions Matter. Your Mental Health Matters. You Matter.
Until next time…
30 Nov 2020
Guess What We All have in Common?
‘What emotion are you feeling?’
When you think about truly sharing your emotions, would you prefer to leave the conversation or conveniently find something else to talk about? Maybe it’s because you don’t know how you are feeling or maybe you want to shout ‘none of your business!’ Or is it because you think sharing emotions makes you look weak?
EXPRESSING EMOTIONS CAN BE TOUGH.
As human beings we enjoy feeling comfortable – ever heard a mattress commercial? All the marketing company has to do is focus on how comfortable the mattress is – SOLD! We LOVE comfortable. Emotions are not always comfortable. They are messy, awkward and can feel down-right painful both mentally and physically.
You may be able to fool yourself into believing that by ignoring or suppressing emotions you won’t have to face them. Wrong. Not acknowledging your emotions causes burnout, health challenges, anxiety, and strained relationships
EMOTIONS AREN’T YOUR ENEMY.
Emotions are a natural and normal part of the human experience. Emotions are the one thing we all have in common. We may not have experienced the same circumstances – but we have all felt angry, sad, anxious, frustrated, disappointed and overwhelmed. Isn’t it comforting to know you’re not alone?
SURPRISE! EXPRESSING YOUR EMOTIONS HELPS:
boost happiness
reduce stress & anxiety
build resilience
improve communication
establish stronger relationships
create empathy
bring harmony and well-being to your mental and physical state
Instead of suppressing your emotions, use these 3 ways to help you move with and through your emotions:
1. NAME YOUR EMOTIONS
There is a release that happens just in saying your emotion out loud, ‘I’m feeling sad.’ It makes it feel less intense. Acknowledge your emotions, instead of making yourself feel bad, wrong or weak for feeling. Next time someone asks, ‘how are you feeling?’ tell them. You are allowed to feel. You are supposed to feel. You will also be giving permission to others to speak up about their emotions.
2. RELEASE EMOTIONS IN A HEALTHY WAY
Create a list of healthy ways to move through your emotions. This will help you get clear about strategies that are helpful. Post it somewhere that will serve as a reminder. When you are experiencing an uncomfortable emotion you can easily forget what helps you move through.
3. FIND YOUR CALM
Being able to calm yourself in the moment from tough emotions and overwhelming circumstances is often easier said than done. Knowing ways to help you relax and decrease stress will calm your mind and body quickly. If one way doesn’t work for you, try another one. Some of my favourites are paying attention to my breath, relaxing with a cup of tea or coffee, humming or singing and watering my plants.
You would never take dead batteries, place them in a flashlight and expect it to shine – yet there are times you will drain yourself emotionally and stick yourself into work, relationships and conversations and expect to shine.
Reach out, ask for help and accept support. You Matter!
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