Linda Westbrook

5 Sep 2022

I can’t do this…YET!

I was having a conversation with my 12 year old nephew about heading back to school and asked, ‘Are you looking forward to going back to school?’

‘Kind of.’

I wanted to know why he said ‘kind of’.

‘Well… I do like the social part, however I worry about my performance at school, like doing well on tests and getting good grades. I’m not good at certain subjects.’

I shared with him the power of ‘YET’.

‘You don’t know it YET!’

‘You aren’t good at it YET!’

‘You haven’t achieved it YET.’

His demeanour changed as he said, ‘oh I like that.’

The Power of ‘YET’

Teaching your children/students to add the word “yet” at the end of a sentence changes how they think, feel and react to challenges and mistakes. It creates a mindset of growth, possibility and hope. It gives them the confidence to stay determined and put in the effort. It reminds them that they have the ability to learn.

I have created a “yet contract” that your children/students can sign to remind them to add the word ‘yet’ at the end of their sentence whenever they start to say ‘I can’t’ or ‘I’m not good at it’.

Until next time…

12 Aug 2022

Your Child Made a Mistake – Now What?

Has your child ever wanted to try something new but you know they didn’t because a voice in their head was saying, ‘I could make a mistake, look silly and end up feeling embarrassed.’

Mistakes can cause children (adults as well) to question their ability, their self-worth and affect their confidence. They may decide to only try things they know they are good at.

Mistakes happen even when they try their very best. It’s how you approach their mistakes that makes all the difference.

How to Handle Your Child’s Mistakes

Your reactions can influence their resilience, confidence and self-worth. It can determine how they handle mistakes and what they see themselves now and s an adult.

Teaching a child that mistakes are an opportunity to learn and grow will encourage them to keep trying.

Instead of focusing on what they did wrong, focus on supporting them through the emotions they may be feeling like embarrassment, frustration, anger and disappointment. (totally normal)

Help them to:

Reflect on their mistake: What would you do differently the next time? Who could you ask to help you improve?
Redirect their thoughts: What could you be grateful for from the mistake? At first they might think, ‘there is nothing to be grateful for.’ The simplest way to discover what they could be grateful for is to ask, ‘What did you learn from the mistake? (could be as simple as they learned that you support them)

Embracing Mistakes

Changing the way they think about mistakes, gives them a gift that will make a difference for years to come

Encourage your child to try a new skill or task with enthusiasm and joy, reminding them that they are not only growing as a person but also learning so much about their wonderful self!

Until next time…

10 Jul 2022

Friend Won’t Talk to Me

I received a question from a student asking for help with a circumstance she was experiencing – a person she considered to be her best friend decided to stop talking to her and won’t tell her why. She felt confused, sad and angry.

It’s painful when someone that you believe is a friend stops talking to you and won’t give you a reason.

I remember when one of my friends was upset with me and I couldn’t figure out why. When I asked the reason, they responded with, ‘I’m not going to tell you. You should know.’

I thought, ‘If I knew I wouldn’t be asking.’

I found it very upsetting and frustrating that we couldn’t just talk about it. I couldn’t fix or change what I didn’t know.

Since we all think differently and have different perspectives it’s important to communicate when something is bothering us. Communication is the key to maintaining a healthy, caring relationship.

Unfortunately, we can’t make people listen to us and understand our perspective. They have to be willing to want to hear what we have to say.

A tip to help you communicate with your friend:

Write/type a letter/email communicating all of your thoughts and feelings using the words ‘I feel’ or ‘I think’. Using these words will help you express yourself without blaming the other person. When you use ‘you did this’ or ‘you made me feel this’ people’s listening shuts down and they start to go into defense mode. Remember you are only sharing your feelings and thoughts – not blaming or shaming the other person.

Writing a letter allows the other person to consider your point of view when they are ready and they can refer back to it. People often need time to think and reflect. It also allows you to share your thoughts and feelings with clarity. At the end of your letter, ask them to consider answering your letter letting you know their thoughts/feelings.

It is easy to assume that everyone is on the same page and should ‘just know’ what the other is thinking. I have found that some are not only ‘not on the same page’ they are ‘reading different books’.

Until next time…

16 Jun 2022

Overcome Negative Comments and Opinions

I am saddened by the number of kids who share the affect negative comments and opinions have on their self-worth. I can relate to them.

During my school years, I took disrespectful, hurtful remarks to heart. I was becoming unhappy with who I was and with my physical appearance. I started to find myself worrying about what others thought of me all the time. I was beginning to believe all those remarks about me were true.

I wrote the song ‘Doesn’t Mean Much’ because I wanted to remind myself that I have the final say in what I choose to believe about myself.

Kids Hear So Many Opinions

Some comments and opinions tear them down – some steal their confidence and self-worth. I want them to know that opinions don’t mean anything until they say they do. I want them to know that they have the final say in what they choose to believe about themselves regardless of what others say.

How do you help kids overcome negative comments and opinions that tear them down? How do you strengthen their confidence and self-worth so that disrespectful, hurtful opinions don’t become what they believe about themselves?

Kids Need to Believe They are Enough

TRY THIS: Have them write out what they want to believe about themselves regardless of those negative comments, opinions and judgments.

Start their belief with I CHOOSE.

Examples:

I Choose to Believe I AM ENOUGH.

I Choose to Accept myself just the way I am.

I Choose to Love the body I am in.

I Choose to Enjoy & Appreciate my uniqueness.

I Choose to Respect myself, others & my dreams.

Encourage them to place these beliefs everywhere they can see them as a visual reminder – their mirror, locker, binder, sock drawer, back of their phone – so that anytime a negative thought/worry enters their mind, they can replace it with their new belief. This is something that I still do.

Keep reinforcing that they have the final say in what they choose to believe about their body, their talent, their abilities and their life. They are enough!

P.S. Here is another exercise to help strengthen their confidence & self-worth.

Until next time…

19 May 2022

How to Get a Child to Ask for Help

I can remember my son at 2 years old saying, ‘I can’t!’ My husband and I both looked at each other and thought ‘no way is that going to be his mindset!’ Every time Kai would say, ‘I can’t!’ we’d have him repeat, ‘I can. I just need help.’ This is now an ongoing mantra in our home.

This mantra gives your child courage.

Changing ‘I can’t’ to ‘I can’ allows your child not only be determined and successful but only to believe in possibility. Adding ‘I just need help’, creates an opening to ask for & receive support.

Getting a child to ask for help is a skill.

THINK ABOUT THIS: What emotions are making it harder for your child/student to ask for help? Emotions like embarrassment, fear, frustration and shyness can stop them from having the courage to reach out for the help and support they need and deserve.

REMEMBER THIS: Getting a child to ask for help is a skill that shows strength, confidence and curiosity. It’s an important part of a growth mindset.

TRY THIS: The next time you hear your child/student saying, ‘I can’t’ gently remind them to replace those words with…

I CAN. I JUST NEED HELP!

Until next time…

5 May 2022

Does Your Child Worry?

What ifs?

It’s normal for kids to worry from time to time. The worrying child can be filled with lots of stressful ‘what ifs’.

What if they don’t like me?

What if I don’t make the team?

What if my parents/teachers get mad at me?

What if I can’t do that?

What if………..?

Kids have vivid imaginations, making it easy to create worse case scenarios for their worries.

Choosing What You Say to a Child

Reminding the worrying child that they have control over what thoughts they choose to focus on, is essential to helping them move through their ‘what ifs’.

Resist the urge to say, ‘You don’t need to worry. You’ll be fine. Stop thinking about it.’ Kids tell me they find these words unhelpful.

Instead, TRY THIS… acknowledge the worry and the emotion that the worry triggers. Then have them do the following exercise to help them move through their worry.

Here are a few more strategies to help calm the worry brain’.

Until next time…

21 Apr 2022

My Friend Betrayed Me

A student emailed me after one of my presentations, ‘I can’t believe it. My friend betrayed me. The person I thought was my friend told other people a secret about something that was happening in my life. I am so upset, especially since she promised she would not tell anyone.’

I remember something very similar happening to me when I shared confidential information with my friend and the next day she shared our conversation with other friends. I was surprised, hurt and angry. I felt my friend had betrayed me. I wished I had chosen not to share. I wish I could have made my friend keep secrets instead of gossiping.

Although I couldn’t change the choice my friend made, I did have choices in how I reacted to this upsetting circumstance.

Let’s look at a few of my options:

A) I could choose to talk to her about how I felt.
B) I could choose never to talk to her again.
C) I could choose to tell her only things that I didn’t mind other people knowing.

In order to choose what choice would work best for me, I had to first decide what I wanted as my End Result (my goal). Having an End Result is so important because it’s what guides your choices.

The End Result I wanted was to keep her as a friend because there were qualities about her that I appreciated. For me, CHOICE A and C worked the best. Letting her know how I felt and realizing that she wasn’t good at keeping a secret helped our relationship.

Not everyone will have all the qualities that you think they ‘should have’, but that doesn’t mean that you have to write them off. I suggested to this student to share their disappointment and to find qualities (like humour, kindness, generosity) that they enjoyed about their friend and choose to focus on that. In doing this, it would help rebuild their friendship and still create a relationship where they could enjoy spending time together.

However, if their friend continues to treat them in a way that feels hurtful, then I suggested that it was important to decide whether the friendship/relationship was worth continuing.

This is what I know: Although you may not be able to control what others say and do, you do have control over how you act, react and the choices you choose to make and the boundaries you choose to create.

IMPORTANT: If someone shares that they are being harmed, or they are harming themselves, or they are going to harm others – THIS IS NEVER CONFIDENTIAL.

Until next time…

7 Apr 2022

Do You Fess Up When You Mess Up?

Ever caught yourself yelling to your child ‘CALM DOWN’ – only to realize that it was you who needed to calm down first?

When I asked this question on my Instagram story over 90 percent said YES.

Me too!

As parents/educators, there will be moments where we are dysregulated and reactive.

What if we used those moments as teachable moments? This would remind kids/students that we too are learning the skill of self regulation and when we mess up – we own up!

TRY THIS:

1) The next time you react in a way that you are not proud of – apologize and share with your child/student the emotion you were feeling when you yelled.

It may sound like this, ‘I am sorry that I yelled, I was feeling frustrated.’

2) Let them know what you will do the next time to help you find your calm.

It may sound like this, ‘When I am feeling frustrated, I’m going to take three deep breaths before I speak.’

3) Share the choice you wish you would have made and what you will do next time.

It may sound like this, ‘I wish I would have shared with you that I was frustrated and I wish I would have spoken in a calmer voice.’

It’s not about perfection – it’s about progress!

This is what I know: When you model self-regulation, you are giving kids the invaluable life skill of developing emotional intelligence.

Until next time…

BONUS: Click here to learn more

24 Mar 2022

Ever Tried to Avoid an Emotion?

Don’t you wish you could pick and chose the emotions you want to experience?

I have.

Especially during lockdown and online learning. I remember one morning laying in bed, mentally preparing the start to my day.

I was telling myself…

‘Today I won’t feel irritated. I felt irritated yesterday and it was exhausting, not today!’

Within 10 minutes of getting out of bed my son was already complaining about having to log on to do his learning – he was asking for his fifth snack and it wasn’t even 9 am yet!

I was irritated!!

I couldn’t avoid it. My body and brain felt irritated without my consent.

This is what I know: I quickly learned that emotions can surprise you and they aren’t to be avoided and can’t be avoided for the long term. We are emotional beings whether we are comfortable with it or not!

So, the real practice becomes in allowing ourselves to feel and acknowledge our emotions and then find healthy ways to move with/through them.

Here are some simple and effective strategies that I find helpful:

• deep breaths (make your exhale longer than your inhale)

• remind myself that it’s ok to feel what I’m feeling

• notice where the emotion impacts me physically (neck pain, stomach ache , heart rate)

• 5 min meditation

• talk to someone

• go for a walk

• listen to music

What helps you move with and through an uncomfortable emotion?

10 Mar 2022

Feeling Overwhelmed?

There is so much going on in the world! You may feel a lack of control which affects your mood, your daily routine and your interactions with your children. So many kids are also feeling the same stressors.

We all need a break! We need to focus on the things we can control.

Being intentional about spending time together is something you can control. Time together supports kids in feeling secure, loved and less anxious.

Here are a few things my son Kai and I enjoy doing together:

Reading stories before bed – I like to use fun voices as I read – this gets both Kai and I laughing!
Preparing a meal together helps us build connection and creates a sense of accomplishment.
Hiking or walking/bicycling in a park or the woods. Leaving life’s distractions and busyness for the calm of nature, improves our ability to relax and let go.
Choosing an activity or game your child/family enjoys. Kai always chooses mini sticks – not one of my favourites – but hey 🙂
Writing in a journal that has written prompts inspires him to write and reflect. To get your children started, download the UPower mini journal. It has a story, quotes, posters & questions. They can do it independently or you can do it together.

This is what I know: Focusing on the areas of your life you can control gives you the mental and emotional boost you need to keep moving forward.