Sometimes kids say things that hurt—words that feel disrespectful. In those moments, it’s natural to react. But here’s something to consider:
When we don’t react—when we take a pause instead of reacting—a shift can happen—our kids reflect on what they’ve said. And in that reflection, they often come back with something like, “I’m sorry I said that.”
What happens when we do react? The focus shifts. Their reflection turns into defensiveness. Instead of thinking about their words, they’re now thinking about ours. And often their question becomes: “Well, are you going to say sorry too?”
This is what I know: Next time your child says something disrespectful, try taking a pause instead of reacting. Giving the moment space doesn’t mean you’re okay with the behavior. It means you’re giving them a chance to think about what they said—and that’s often when the apology comes.
Until next time…
5 Oct 2024
Prioritize Yourself, Set Healthy Boundaries
Do you find it challenging to prioritize yourself? Me too. I’ve been improving because I’ve learned that setting healthy boundaries, even though sometimes stressful, is crucial for my well-being.
It’s perfectly okay to say ‘no,’ even when saying ‘yes’ is an option. At times, choosing to say ‘no’ is one of the most effective ways to prioritize yourself.
By finding ways to continually set healthy boundaries, you safeguard your time, energy and emotional well-being.
Tips to prioritize yourself and maintain healthy boundaries.
Pause Before Responding: Before saying ‘yes’ out of habit, take a moment to reflect. Is this something you want or need to do? Give yourself permission to say ‘no’ when it doesn’t serve you.
Communicate Clearly and Calmly: Let people know what you can or cannot do without over-explaining or apologizing. A simple, “I can’t do that right now, but thank you for understanding” can go a long way.
Consistency: People may push back, especially if they’re used to you saying ‘yes.’ Stay firm and remember why you set the boundary in the first place.
Remind yourself: ‘Their disappointment is not my guilt.’ It’s okay to uphold a boundary, even if others feel disappointed. People are more resilient in handling disappointment than we often assume.
This is what I know: When you honour your boundaries, you’re prioritizing yourself and protecting your well-being, and in turn, fostering healthier, more respectful relationships. People may not always like it, but they will respect you for it in the long run.
7 Dec 2023
Parenting with Love Through Life’s Boundaries
In our ongoing endeavour to establish healthy boundaries that nurture the mental and emotional well-being of our children, there are three challenges that often come up to test our efforts:
1. Desire to be liked: You may worry your children won’t like you when enforcing boundaries and consequences. While it isn’t pleasant to hear your child yelling, ‘I don’t like you’, it doesn’t mean they don’t. What they are really saying is, ‘I don’t like your boundaries. I don’t like your consequences.’ Understanding this, helps you respond with the intent of encouraging growth rather than reacting solely from the emotions you may be triggered to feel, like anger or guilt.
2. Remembering when you were a kid: You may find yourself thinking, ‘I know what it’s like to feel disappointment and I don’t want that for my child.’ Attempting to protect them from disappointment is not in their best interest. We want kids to grow into adults that know how to manage emotions like disappointment rather than avoiding them.
3. Wanting them to make their own choices: While it’s important to encourage independence and decision-making skills, many parents make the mistake of thinking their child has the logic and reasoning of an adult and will naturally make the responsible choices (I have had those moments). Unfortunately, our children don’t have the life experiences to pull from, nor the maturity to know what might be in their best interest.
Strategies to Establish Healthy Boundaries
1. Clarity on your boundaries: Knowing what boundaries and consequences work best for your child ahead of time will stop you from making a decision in the heat of the moment – one you may later regret. Plus, letting your child know the expectation ahead of time gives them clarity and awareness.
2. Be their parent: Growing up, when I would push back on my mom’s boundaries, she would say, ‘I’m your parent and I have a job to do.’ This mindset allowed her to enforce the structure that I needed, even when I didn’t know that’s what I needed. She didn’t allow my disappointment to become her guilt. Remain sturdy. Remember you are arming your child with important life skills.
3. Stay consistent: Children thrive on consistency, and it helps them understand the boundaries that are in place. Of course, there will be times when you will fall off track, but be honest with your kids by saying, ‘I haven’t followed through with what we talked about and that’s on me. Moving forward my expectations are…(fill in the blank)’. Your kids will appreciate your honesty.
4. Preventing entitlement: Establishing clear boundaries helps prevent a sense of entitlement. When kids understand that there are limits to their wants and behaviours, they learn the valuable lesson that the world doesn’t always cater to their every wish. This realization fosters a more realistic and appreciative perspective, reducing the likelihood of entitlement.
This is What I Know: When your child pushes back – that’s their job – your role is to maintain a healthy boundary. By staying steadfast, they will learn to cope with disappointment, frustration and setbacks, essential for bouncing back from life’s challenges.
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