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11 Sep 2024

Transform Your Child’s Relationships

Guiding your child to understand the value of being a good friend lays the foundation for positive connections and meaningful relationships.

My son and I frequently discuss the kind of person and friend he wants to be, focusing on the qualities that make for a true friend.

Each morning, before Kai leaves for school, I ask him to choose a specific character trait to guide his choices throughout the day. Today, he chose ‘kindness,’ which sparked a conversation about ways he could show it— keep promises and be dependable, showing that he can be counted on and support his friends in situations where they might need help.

I shared with him a piece of wisdom I’ve realized over time: when showing kindness feels difficult, it’s often because emotions like anger, sadness, jealousy, or disappointment are getting in the way.

By helping your child see that their emotions affect their choices, they are strengthening their self-awareness, resilience and their ability to connect and create friendships.

Until next time…

28 Sep 2023

Building Emotional Connection, One ‘Refresh’ at a Time

Emotions run high. Meltdowns occur. Tantrums happen.

You can’t have conflict resolution without first facing conflict.

You can’t have redirection without first creating connection.

When you have moments of despair, they need repair.

One effective strategy for enhancing conflict resolution, fostering connection, and facilitating repair is to incorporate ‘refresh’ into your resource toolbox, much like refreshing a computer when it’s bogged down and not functioning properly.

To illustrate the effectiveness of using ‘refresh’, let me share a recent circumstance involving my 11-year-old son.

The other day he experienced a really tough moment as we were about to leave the house. He wasn’t getting something he wanted within the timeframe he was hoping for. While this wouldn’t typically bother him, on that particular day it triggered an emotional storm! I should also add that he had some late nights that had obviously caught up to him, although suggesting that to him wasn’t an option.

I needed to remain calm and steady in his emotional storm – not an easy task, especially when I was frustrated, realizing we needed to leave and I wasn’t even ready! Nothing I said was helpful or comforting. I took a deep breath and stepped away, giving him the space to feel what he was feeling.

After a few minutes, I bent down to his level, knowing this wasn’t the time to question his behaviour or engage in a conversation about it. Instead, I recognized that he needed to hit the ‘refresh button’.

I looked at him and said, “I understand you’re upset that things aren’t going the way you wanted them to. I’m feeling the same way.” (this validates the emotions felt and adds connection)

I presented two options:

1. Continue with our back-and-forth.

2. Take a deep breath and ‘refresh, starting over.

He chose to ‘refresh’, and we did just that without the need to have a further conversation. We hugged and both felt a weight lifted. (this is our way of creating repair)

Despite a bumpy start, we had a wonderful day.