“I don’t show it, so you don’t know it.”

Over the past 20 years, I’ve had many conversations with kids. One thing I’ve learned is what kids show you on the outside doesn’t always reflect what they’re feeling on the inside.

The words below are written from a child’s point of view, reflecting feelings and experiences I’ve heard them share over the years. As you read, I invite you to think about what your child might be feeling but not expressing.

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What Your Kids Don’t Show You About Their Feelings

I don’t always tell you everything that’s going on in my life.

I might say I’m fine when you ask how my day was. I might go to school, hang out with my friends, laugh, and carry on like everything is okay.

It isn’t always.

Maybe something happened with a friend. Maybe I’m worried about fitting in, struggling with schoolwork, or trying to deal with something that’s been bothering me.

I keep a lot to myself, even when part of me wants to talk. Sometimes, I just don’t always know how to start the conversation or explain what’s going on.

I’m afraid you’ll make a big deal out of something or tell me not to worry.

I know you want to help, but I don’t always need you to fix things or tell me what to do. Sometimes, I just need you to listen and try to understand how I’m feeling.

Knowing you’re there to listen without judgment makes it easier for me to open up.

I may not show it, but I still need you.

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A question for parents to reflect on:

How can you make it easier for your child/children to tell you when something is bothering them?

With my son, I’ve learned that bedtime is often when he’s most willing to share and reflect on his day. I’ve also realized that laughter and humour help us connect and make it easier for him to open up.

This is what I know: You can’t always know what your child is feeling. Finding ways to connect and making space for your child to open up takes time, patience, and a willingness to keep listening.

Until next time…